The world collectively shat itself again this morning when news of a man ‘wearing a suicide vest’ and attempting to hijack an EgyptAir plane in Cyprus began doing the rounds.
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Turns out it wasn’t terrorist-related (thank fuck), but rather some love-sick moron who was desperately trying to get a letter to his ex-wife.
— The Cairo Post (@TheCairoPost) March 29, 2016
Cypriot president Nikos Anastasiades explained:
It’s all to do with a woman. We are doing everything to release the hostages.
The hostage situation officially ended at around 1pm (UK time) and the hijacker, Seif El Din Mustafa (incorrectly named as Ibrahim Samaha initially), was arrested, after walking off the plane with his hands in the air.
Officials at Egypt’s ministry of foreign affairs said they were aware Mustafa is seeking asylum and discussing his ex-wife.
They dropped this A+ line to the Guardian:
He’s not a terrorist, he’s an idiot. Terrorists are crazy but they aren’t stupid. This guy is.
Well, have to agree with them there. This guy is an idiot of the highest order. Not only did he nearly cause an international incident but I’m pretty sure his ex-wife thinks he’s an even bigger loser now than she did before. I mean come on dude, ever heard of playing it cool? Pulling off the worst plane hijacking of all time, then getting arrested and having the whole world call you an idiot is probably a massive turn-off to most girls. Sometimes you can try a little too hard.
Then again, if his love letter is anywhere near as good as the one Johnny Cash wrote to his wife, he might still be in with a chance.