Malcolm Brenner, a writer/photographer who lives in a trailer in Florida, claims to have had a 9 month sexual relationship with a dolphin named Ruby in his novel Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover. The book is apparently presented as a work of fiction but Brenner makes no bones about it being based on his life in the 1970’s. Had to be the 1970’s, you know, everyone was just trying new shit out back then you know?
Malcolm explains that the two met at an amusement park in Florida where he was taking pictures of her. Apparently, the dolphin came onto him pretty hard by dancing for him in the water and nuzzling him, and Brenner knew from this incessant flirting that the dolphin was into him. So Malcolm Brenner did what any normal person would do, and tapped her. Apparently, it was all instigated by Ruby too. Unfortunately, the relationship didn’t last – Brenner states that it was hard to be in a relationship with a dolphin because they are clingy and require attention 24/7. Clearly that was the hardest part about the relationship. Since the relationship, Malcolm has not been with another dolphin. On describing the memoir, Brenner states: ‘’I would say it’s sort of like Romeo and Juliet. Instead in this book, Juliet is a 400 pound marine mammal.’ Here’s a picture of Malcom Brenner. I’m not sure if it’s recent of from the 70’s – it could be either judging by the way he’s dressed. Looks like the kind of guy that would fvck a dolphin, right?
On Malcolm Brenner’s website (which incidentally is hosted by angelfire……gross) you can read a detailed FAQ about how dolphin $ex is possible and how he was definitely not raping the dolphin during their 9 month relationship. This features great lines such as:
‘I wasn’t originally interested in having $ex with a dolphin, that was HER idea;’
‘Female dolphins have a lady parts (albeit somewhat modified), clitoris and all the other equipment you’d find on a woman tucked away in a genital slit. The breasts are located in pockets on either side of the genital slit.’
Useful. There’s also a sample chapter of the novel where Mac (Brenner’s alter ego) takes his girlfriend Elaine – who he met at the local Juvenile Detention Centre – out to swim with Ruby, only for Ruby to get real jealous and attack Elaine. The sample chapter features great lines such as the following:
‘…But that was absurd. This whole “telepathic” business was absurd. I was kidding myself. It only happened when I was stoned’
The writing was OK, albeit a little clumsy and unexciting. I didn’t get through all of it but it’s a SAMPLE CHAPTER so I don’t think that’s the point. I guess I kinda want to read Wet Goddess to find out about Malcolm Brenner’s dolphin fvcking escapades but it’s only published in America so the shipping charges over here are a bit extortionate. Maybe in the future. You know, when the blog takes off. Here’s a picture of the happy couple together, also from the website:
As for now, I don’t really know what to make of this. On the one hand, I guess it’s kind of cool that Malcolm Brenner was brave enough and felt strongly enough about the subject matter to write a book about fvcking a dolphin considering the inevitable stigma that would be attached to it in today’s society. On the other hand, the dude fucked a dolphin and loved it so much he wrote a book about fvcking a dolphin.