I have had a couple of field days now not only observing reactions to KONY 2012, but giggling to myself at the to the bastard children of pretense my previous article spawned.

I have had a couple of field days now (there’s a LOAD of grass in my pants) not only observing reactions to KONY 2012, but giggling to myself at the  bastard children of pretense my previous article spawned. It would have taken up too much time to reply to every single one of the ‘But it’s a GOOD cause, you’re an ‘angry much’ prick, and I’m so GOOD, it’s so NICE, it’s GOOD, where’s the HOPE’ drone like comments, so I thought to give my respects to Biggie in the meantime with a gin and a mandolin, and take a moment to respond.

Firstly, I’m a girl, just to get that straight. Though I don’t mind being mistaken for a dude, dudes can be dudes too.

Secondly, as two days have passed, and no doubt the Kony hype has died down (fickle world, much?) to make way for yet another viral hit, I feel that I can now look back on the whole affair with the benefit of hindsight and a pipe in my mouth.

I’ve cherry picked a few of my favourite morally high horsed comments to address- I’ll include your names so you can remember what you wrote and continue to engage with me, later when I come over with Dyer- I warned you, didn’t I.

Erica Paris

‘You are a very angry person… ya just wow bro… I heard he fled to europe n someone else is in charge of the child soldiers thingy.’

Indeed. Hence my initial point of Kony not even being in Uganda right now. If you took a minute and a brain cell to look past the fact that my tone is a little vigorous and I used a few ‘swears’ you will gather that I am already aware that Kony is no longer in Uganda, and thus the point that I am trying to make that KONY 2012 is a pile of irrelevant shit stands strong.

Meg Jones

‘Well this is sick. It’s people like you that don’t deserve the world you have! Those kids would do nearly anything for a safe place to live, but I guess you have a life full of luxuries and yet you still spend your time writing selfish shit like this.’

If you had any knowledge, other than that which a 30 minute video injected into your slobber could lend you, you would realise that you in fact know nothing about me and my background, how my life has played out, etc, etc, and that, thus, an assumption that it has been full of ‘luxuries’ is a tiny bit of an easy way out for you, yet, in your own mind, a way out nonetheless.

What many people have considered to be my ‘assumption’ that Jason Russell is a total cash laundering prick can be founded right here: ‘Things I Can’t Live Without- Jason Russell of Invisible Children’, and in his own words. I hope you are happy that by spreading that video, he can now have TWO 1 pump vanilla lattes a day instead of one, and can take even MORE instagram photos of Gavin to wank over. Congrats to you madam. The children have been saved.

Garett Koonsman

‘What is wrong with trying to stop a mass murderer? If you are mad that his cause is getting more attention than yours that is fine, he did a better job of spreading it because he used educated language and some sense. If you don’t agree with his tactics that’s fine, but he used tactics that actually work. This is pretty obvious if you go to the Facebook page and see the dozens of posts a minute. It is pretty clear what your opinion is but you need to chill out about it. People have minds, whether you believe it or not. And we will use them, just like you are using yours. We don’t have to agree, but there is no need for personal insults against a man trying to make a difference.’

See my response to Meg. Apply it yourself. Think of it as another injection.

Elizabeth Davenport:

‘What is so wrong with people realising that now, more than ever, is a good time to join forces, come together and try- maybe not succeed straight away- but just TRY to make a difference. The point is that children are living in fear in a country thousands of miles away from us, NOT how good Jason Russell is at making films, and NOT how conservative his values are. Besides, if you disagree with the KONY 2012 movement so greatly stop fvcking talking about it…all publicity is still publicity at the end of the day idiot.’

The thing that is so wrong with people like you THINKING that you are ‘realising’ anything, is that you are dumb. What have you realised exactly? Has anyone realised anything new? No, they are realising something very old. And I’m allowed to insult you because you insulted me first >.<  If you really cared, then you wouldn’t want me to stop talking about it, because publicity is publicity at the end of the day, so keep TRYING Elizabeth.

And finally, GLEN John O’Carolan, who get’s the prize of the most unwittingly hilarious person on the planet right now:

1) The aim of the video was to promote awareness, but you didn’t manage that. I don’t know whether to dislike you or pity you for having such a bleak view on the world.

2) Am I the only one who genuinely listened? ” And above all, share this video. It’s free.” Major request= Fulfilled. We’ve done what he asked, but you still manage to complain? I don’t see how people can dislike a movement that is, beyond doubt, going to help people. If your going to hate a good cause, then I feel sorry for you trying to find something that you do like. Have fun struggling to find happiness, asshole.

3) (reply to Maisie Barker) I shouldn’t need to research. The movement is to make peoples lives better, happier. If you disagree with that and want to berate us on the charity’s financial background then you clearly haven’t absorbed the meaning of the film, and there is something fundamentally wrong with the way you see the world.

4) (reply to Maisie Barker) Well then why don’t you campaign for that, instead of being counter productive and arguing with a 13 year old on here? Hmmm?

5) (reply to Maisie Barker) And what’s IC’s problem? Oh yeah, no body knows who they are, which is exactly what the video aims to rectify. But yet again, you over complicate and continue to argue with a minor.

Ahhhh the fresh smell of bullshit permeating from Glen’s words… oh but wait! I’m not allowed to say anything, and neither is Maisie Barker (big up to her for her unrelenting real talk), because he’s a 13 year old. Boo hoo pass me a mop for my tears.

Glen, if you are asking to be spoken to like a 13 year old, then don’t try your base, uneducated ‘I shouldn’t need to research’ on a subject matter that deserves all the care and attention and research IN THE WORLD. You are being so bait! I’ll spare you a barrage of loosely veiled insults because you are indeed a ‘minor’ and I could get arrested or something. But by saying ‘I shouldn’t need to research’ you are insulting all the children in Uganda, and everywhere else in the world where people are suffering, because YOU HAVE NO IDEA what you are talking about, and you don’t feel like you need to find out. Yet you are talking. And you are calling people who are merely trying to voice their opinions, just like you did, ‘assholes’. And you are sitting, smug no doubt, thinking you have been very, very clever. Well you haven’t been. Take it from me.

Oh and on quote number 5) Cheers dude- By trying to disagree with what I was saying, you not only agreed with it, but provided me with first hand EVIDENCE to back up my original points. And don’t get too wild on the minor thing you got going on, you’ll be old really soon, and you will CRINGE when you read back on your own words. Again. Take it from me.

So that’s all I have to say to a select few people- and to anyone who called me a name, this article is really great, and I’m posting it up for you.

For reals now, joking and ‘banter’ aside. As we enter the lull of the viral sensation, the backwash of the excitement of Wednesday’s keyboard extortions, the breaking dawn… I am happy to have read and watched many AMAZING articles and videos on the matter, re-instilling a sense of hope and pride unto the human race.

Compassion is a human trait which is invaluable in sorting out some of the world’s problems, it truly is. KONY 2012, however, does not do enough to stir compassion and action, rather, the video has now become a very lucrative tool for its founders, who were lucrating already in buckets of cash and lube before it was even made. We MUST NOT downplay the fact that sentimentality is being used to such a profound effect; the video is playing on people’s stupidity and pandering to the common human need to belong to something, rather than stimulating our intellect and fostering our power to ask questions.

This KONY 2012 thing went cray and it wasted a lot of time, effort and money, and it’s results, I believe, will be negative; a short term euphoria fix to a long term problem which does not need thousands of people shouting in Trafalgar square, wearing matching bracelets.

I can propose alternatives, and I can see alternatives that exist, which I uphold and support every day- I’m shocked that such a bait video was the only way to get people’s asses moving IN SUCH LARGE NUMBERS. Messages of issues in our world need to be spread, and yes, social media is an excellent tool for this. But when the message is totally WRONG (a la Kony, because let’s face it, what was Russell’s ultimate, REAL message?) then it’s dangerous, and in the long term, the problems it is claiming to fix will only be exacerbated. Once again, the people of Uganda have been painted as ‘helpless’, in need of some sort of rescue by the Americans, and image which many other charities and organisations have been working tirelessly to fix; and in a respectable way.

It is also dangerous, that this ‘war’ that the hundreds of hyptonised morons in the video are chanting about, has been simplified into such rudimentary terms with Kony as a villain, harming children for no reason. The truth of the matter is, it is a long and complicated conflict, which deserves intelligent attention and care from the right people who deserve it. It is for the nations of Uganda, South Sudan, Democratic Republic of Congo and Central African Republic to resolve.

I thought I’d collate a few articles and videos to give people a break from my ranting, whilst gently prodding them into a better direction, and share some awesome ideas:

From Amnesty International:


From Gawker, a great insight, it provides you with options on how to think about the whole thing and you can choose the one you like the most!


From Jezebel, Gawker’s hot sister:


From the Guardian:


From Foreign Policy blog:




From the Huffington Post, an example of Russ Limbaugh who is a) a prick and is b) standing up for Kony and c) is against KONY 2012, for the WRONG REASONS:


A Yahoo! news interview with the CEO of Invisible Children trying to defend himself:


And finally, this video. Recognise, much?

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War out,



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