Justin Bieber is having a bad week.
First and foremost, he was to wake up every day and remember he’s Justin Bieber, which has got to be at best awkward and at worst soul destroying.
I kid. We all know that thing doesn’t have a soul.
Still, in whatever capacity the castrato-voiced automaton is capable of experiencing human emotion, I’m sure he can take solace in the constant avalanche of teenage vaginas he lives in the middle of and ultimately feel alright about being Justin Bieber.
This week, however, has seen him anger his legions of pubescent fans by arriving two hours late for a gig on a school night (and they say rock ‘n’ roll is dead), having to take time out from a gig due to breathing problems which later saw him hospitalised, and now, to cap things off, he has attempted to start a fight with a photographer. If you didn’t see it when we posted it on Friday, here’s the video again:
Now, in fairness, I have some respect for Bieber’s actions in that he stood up for himself in the face of abuse from some fat prick with a camera. Being judged is never a fun experience, least of all by the kind of pond life that effectively makes a living as a stalker for hire.
Still, it’s worth thinking a few moves ahead, here. Had Bieber’s bodyguards not immediately thrown the skinny 19-year-old back into the van, it’s likely that Justin would have got his ass kicked so hard he’d spend the next three weeks unbuttoning his collar to shit.
I don’t think there’s a man alive who isn’t fairly confident that they could take Justin Bieber in a street fight. Not only does he appear to be relatively brittle (and suffering from a lung complaint!), but he demonstrably has more experience playing keyboards in a cellar than he does with fighting in the streets. It doesn’t cause him to cut too imposing a figure. It’s the same reason nobody really fears Jools Holland.
Bieber is never going to come off as credibly tough or dangerous. His image is too ingrained. Fifty years ago the papers were fretting about whether the Rolling Stones might fuck their daughters. These days, parents of sixteen year old girls should be more worried about their daughters bringing home a simpering Bieberesque pussy than Ronnie Wood, which, let’s face it, is always a very real danger given Ronnie’s track record.
Bieber is, at best, going to become the Donny Osmond of his generation. And just like Donny, very few people will quake with fear when the wrath of Justin “Baby” Bieber is unleashed.
So, much as I respect his actions and his willingness to confront an arsehole when he meets one, I think we should hesitate to call this a fracas, or a fight, or anything other than a clip that should be entitled “skinny kid narrowly avoids beating from fat wanker.”
â˜› Justin Needs To Get Some Of These Moves In His Locker: