EDIT: Ok I wrote this before the charges were announced and the fact that he’s being accused of conspiracy to rape a ONE YEAR OLD GIRL pretty much eliminates any chance of him being found innocent because how the hell can you accuse someone of that and it not be true? You don’t just go around doing that. So yeah anywhere in this article where I hoped he was innocent or voiced doubts about his guilt should probably be ignored.
I gather that most people have probably heard about this already judging by the number of people sharing it on my newsfeed today, but Sick Chirpse just had to get involved with their two cents on the subject because I mean how could we not,? The singer from the Lost Prophets is being accused of being a paedophile, it’s perfect Sick Chirpse material. I’m going to assume that most people here probably know who the Lost Prophets are, even if they don’t exactly know who their lead singer Ian Watkins is because they’ve been around for ages and they’ve had a number one record and had a couple of songs on video game soundtracks and even these two girls I know from my school who don’t really know anything about ‘alternative’ music really wanted to see them when we were at the Hackney Weekend in the summer when they probably could have been watching Sean Paul or someone like that instead. So yeah, everyone knows Lost Prophets and I’m just gonna dive right in with this.
Firstly, here are the details, which are pretty bizarre even by a paedophile’s standards. A spokesman has said that: ”A 35-year-old man has been charged with conspiracy to engage in sexual activity with a female under 13 and possession/distribution of indecent images of children. In order to assist their investigation, South Wales Police has named the man as Ian Watkins, a member of the rock group Lostprophets.” Ouch. I guess that isn’t that bizarre although a CONSPIRACY to have sex with one single girl under 13 is kinda weird. I mean surely if it was a conspiracy you would at least expect it to be to have sex with a few underage girls or something right? Or for a children smuggling ring or something? Conspiracy to have sex with one 13 year old girl sounds like a lot of work, especially when Ian Watkins could probably just pick one up at one of his gigs.
What’s even weirder about it is that two women aged 20 and 24 from two completely different places – Bedford and Doncaster – have also been arrested in connection with this conspiracy. Bedford and Doncaster LOL, what a couple of absolute shitholes. I guess it would make sense that if you were going to run a paedophile ring it would be somewhere as desperate as that just because of how awful the towns are that they are the kind of places where you would just expect something like that to happen because they raise such gross people. I kinda remember the last Lost Prophets tour dates I saw going to some really shit places like those two too so if you put two and two together you can easily come up with about five million and surmise why they chose to visit those places. I mean who honestly chooses to play in places like Preston or Inverness on a decent sized UK tour? Coincidence? Who knows? Anyway, Ian Watkins is due to appear in court later on TODAY to answer these allegations which is pretty insanely quick and will also lead to an interesting afternoon for everyone following the story. I only hope it doesn’t happen before I finish writing this.
So yeah, obviously there’s nothing funny about being accused of being a paedophile and it’s going to be pretty awful for Ian Watkins and the Lost Prophets for the rest of their lives whatever happens but I might as well try and make light of the situation right? I don’t think I’m actually gonna be that mean about him in this article but for what it’s worth I think I have a couple of friends who know the dude vaguely and most people say he’s safe and he always seemed to come across fairly well in interviews, even if his hair is terrible and he’s pretty awful at singing live, so I’m hoping that he is found innocent of all this stuff although it seems fairly unlikely because they must have a shit ton of evidence if they’ve actually arrested the guy.
But yeah is it any surprise that this has happened? Haven’t the warning signs been there for a while? Let’s have a quick look.
Back in the day just before Lost Prophets were blowing up and they were supporting Andrew WK on the NME tour, you always used to hear stories from a friend of a friend that someone at a Lost Prophets show had slept with someone in the band and it was probably Ian Watkins. I remember once I think they were on tour with Linea 77 and they played The Flapper in Birmingham but weren’t allowed to play it because there were too many people in the band (what kind of dumb rule is that?) and so just hung out and went wild in Birmingham. I wasn’t actually there but my Myspace bulletins were going crazy with messages from dumb scene girls who reckon they had kissed him of fucked one of the other guys. Obviously I paid these no mind and just figured that it was just dumb scene girls trying to make dumb scene guys mad jelzzz by saying they hooked up with some guy who was on tour and playing The Flapper (kinda a big deal when you’re 14 I guess) but I guess now maybe it meant something. Although he was only about 20 then so I guess it isn’t really as bad as it is now. BUT STILL.
Also, it seems quite clear that the Lost Prophets fanbase does mainly consist of 14 year old girls (and younger) and emo kids who are confused about their sexuality, so it was probably kinda hard for Ian Watkins to resist all these underage girls flinging themselves at him and it probably also made it kinda easy to hook up with them all as well, if that’s what he did. Almost all of their music videos seem to be full of really young girls too, I mean check out the two below for example. Sure they’re slightly older videos than the more recent stuff but you know old habits die hard. The most suspicious one in light of recent events though is the third video I’ve included here to the song ‘Town Called Hypocrisy.’ Yeah, it’s an ironic title given recent events (not as funny as The Fake Age Of Consent though, lol) but the videe features Ian Watkins playing a children’s TV presenter hanging out with a bunch of little kids and has a soundbyte at the start where Ian Watkins says ‘we’ve learned about cheering, saying please and oral……hygiene.’ As the top comment says ‘There’s now something very sinister about this video.’ Interestingly, all the official videos have had all their comments disabled and I think the ‘Town Called Hypocrisy’ official video has been deleted completely (this isn’t an official upload). I bet the band regret making that video SO MUCH today.
Creepy huh? It’s like it completely foreshadowed the events of today/this year huh? But yeah it kinda made me feel gross coming up with all these reasons that Ian Watkins might be a paedophile/how it might have been obvious seeing all this stuff given the benefit of hindsight so I’m not gonna do it anymore and just post up a bunch of the ridiculous tweets/facebook posts that people have been posting. Once again I hope he is found innocent and this is all a mistake because he always seemed like an OK dude and it’s kind of outrageous that the press can get a hold of this information when he’s not actually guilty YET because even if he is found innocent his life is screwed forever, but again I guess you can’t really ever be accused of something like this and not have done SOMETHING wrong, right? That age old excuse that you had 5000 pictures of naked little girls on your computer for ‘research purposes’ just doesn’t seem to wash anymore. On the other hand if Ian Watkins is a paedophile and was conspiring to have sex with a 13 year old I hope he goes to prison and gets raped himself because obviously being a paedophile is probably one of the worst things that anyone can ever be. It would also be kinda cool if someone like Trent Rezner or Rob Zombie replaced him in Lost Prophets but it would probably end up being someone like Brandon Boyd.
Anyway, here’s some great reactions to this news. I was kinda sketching out that what I wrote about this might upset people/make people think I was a dickhead/whatever but by including some of these ABSOLUTELY FUCKING STUPID REACTIONS I think I’ve dodged a bullet. How do people like this even exist and think it’s cool to put these opinions in a public forum? Ok, you got me, a couple of the jokes are kinda funny but the majority are just fvcking stupid. Enjoy! Also these kind of prove that Facebook users are way less funnier/more retarded than twitter users.