LIFE

These Holiday Destinations Were Beautiful Before British Tourists Happened

Good one guys.

At times, life can be a stressful, hectic, routine-ridden hell ride, so it’s little wonder that we flee our homes each year to go on holiday.

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Think about it: soaking up the sun, the sea and the seemingly endless stretches of golden sands with a cocktail in your hand, all while sitting in one of the most beautiful spots on the planet.

Well, at least this used to be the case for these four places before tourists showed up in droves (not to tar everyone with the same brush in any way, shape or form, you know, we’re talking about those stereotypes like the dreaded ‘Brit Abroad‘); ignored the local culture; behaved badly and basically took one collective dump on them.

Benidorm, Spain

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We’ve all seen or at least heard of the TV show – and it depicts the place in a comically trashy light.

But believe it or not, Benidorm has been around since way back in 1325. Benidorm was once a sleepy fishing village with outstanding natural beauty; in 1967 Alicante Airport opened up, the area was developed, and the place became the place to go for English families to enjoy simple holidays in stunning surroundings – then it tipped and things went pear shaped.

Over the years, Benidorm has degenerated into clogged up, over-subscribed, condom polluted, dirge pit, in which lobster-skinned English teens hump in the corners of neon theme clubs and so-called culture vultures neck flat lager in British bars that serve all day breakfasts. Still, the beach is quite nice, if not a little like being squeezed into a sardine can.

Pattaya, Thailand

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Thailand is rife with some of the most breathtaking beaches and cultural scenery on the planet. Once upon a time, a sleepy coastal village by the name of Pattaya was one of those places – until horny sex tourists happened.

Much like Benidorm, Pattaya’s quiet nature, the small selection of developments and 4km picture-postcard stretch off the East coast of the Gulf of Thailand was a real allure to weary backpackers and holidaymakers looking for a relaxing getaway. Now it’s a concrete jungle full of pot-bellied, sex-hungry maniacs, pissed out of their brains on Chang.

Over time, more and more buildings were erected (as well as some other things) and brothel after brothel started appearing all over the area. Now, it’s a crowded (mainly with men), ping pong infested mini metropolis with a bit of water next to it, dedicated to serving the types of tourist with the mantra ‘me love you long time.’  If you want peace and beauty on Thailand’s East Coast, I suggest going to Koh Chang.

The Great Pyramids and Sphinx, Egypt

Pyramid Hut

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“Who put those big Dairyleas and that giant cat there? Anyone fancy a Pizza Hut?” That’s probably what you’re likely to hear at the Ancient Pyramids and Sphinx these days.

This once mighty and iconic and historical site of Ancient Egypt was a mecca for those with a desire to head off the beaten track and explore the many wonders of our fair planet. But, since the influx of snap-happy tourists visiting from Giza and the surrounding areas, the place has become a bit of a shabby shit hole, to say the least.

Due to the large volume of tourists, the area has become caked in litter, and the pyramids themselves have become increasingly dilapidated. Also, as we mentioned earlier, there is a Pizza Hut nearby – obviously, there was demand for it – what about the local cuisine?

Andorra, The Pyrenees

Andorra

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Andorra is pretty cool in that it’s an independent principality smack bang between Spain and France – it’s also has a host of decent ski resorts that don’t cost the Earth to visit. Unfortunately, for that very reason, Andorra has become a victim of its own success.

The 175 odd kilometres of ski and snowboarding terrain opened to the public years ago, and it was a haven for learners, as well as slightly more seasoned snow adventurers to brush up on their skills, take in the scenery, enjoy some pleasant evening meals and a few tipples by the fire.

Andorra’s mountainous backdrop remains a feast for the eyes, and you can still ski there for a decent price tag, it’s just that nowadays, you’ll have to dodge frozen patches of puke and remnants of late-night apres-ski kebabs.

In recent years, it seems that young, hedonistic nightmares (mainly Brits) have infested the resorts with the sole purpose of getting mashed up, banging and trashing the joint. Basically, this means that Andorra is rife with burger packets, icicles that turn out to be frozen Johnnies hanging from chalet roofs, big cheesy clubs and ugly people getting naked in the snow, among other things. Don’t eat the yellow snow? That’s the least of your problems, pal.

Holidays are precious in so many ways, and when we go away, most of us are looking to have the time of our lives. If the above places sound appealing to you, get stuck in – if not, make sure you avoid them like the plague.


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