Although most remain voters are upset with the referendum result there are a few silver linings to perk us all up. We managed to bag ourselves another episode of Eurotrash as well as getting to see The 1975’s frontman and prize idiot Matt Healy crying over a bunch of neon lights.
The absolute best thing to arise from all this misery may be this very cheeky erotic novel by author Chuck Tingle called “Pounded By The Pound: Turned Gay By The Socioeconomic Implications Of Britain Leaving The European Union“. If the title alone isn’t enough to make you lol then have a read of the blurb we found on Amazon:
When Alex learns that Britain has decided to leave the European Union, he’s shocked by just hold normal everything seems. But the calm doesn’t last as Alex is suddenly accosted by a giant living coin from the not so distant future.
In this horrific future where Britain has left the EU, four story busses lie strewn about the streets of London after a failed plan to cut costs, the Queen’s Guard have been replaced by flying reptiles with machine guns and the River Thames runs red with molten lava.
Now Alex and his handsome sentient pound must travel back to the past and sway the vote for European solidarity, by proving that all you need is love.
That’s right, a giant time travelling living coin that Alex the protagonist definitely gets busy with. It’s absurd but we’re definitely intrigued. If that’s not enough to convince you then here’s a very tiny excerpt from when the two characters first meet:
“There’s no time!” yells the giant coin from the other side of the rift. “Come with me!”
I’m utterly horrified and, if I’m going to be honest, my first instinct is to immediately turn around and run away. It’s only then that I notice something brilliant and burning through the hole in space-time. Within the rift I can see The Parliament, or what used to be The Parliament, as the entire building roars with a towering flame.”
“Is that what it looks like?” I call out.
“Yes!” screams the giant sentient coin. “We need your help, Alex. I can’t hold this open much longer!”
Suddenly, all of the fear leaves and is replaces with a powerful, frantic energy. Britain needs me!
The online reviews are equally as amusing. One fan writes “when the entire world economy finally collapses and and the ensuing apocalyptic dystopian post-Brexit future pounds our entire planet in the butt, at the very least I’ll have the satisfaction of knowing Chuck Tingle got there first” and another reader confusingly adds “I picked this book as a protest. I didn’t think I’d actually GET it.”
Chuck Tingle’s other naughty novels include works such as Bigfoot Settlers Claim My Butthole, My Billionaire Triceratops Craves Gay Ass and the ever revered Pounded In The Butt By My Own Butt. Someone get this guy a Pullitzer prize because these are all genius.
Who knows what else will happen with all this post-referendum panic. It’s all very up in the air, perhaps we’ll even end up with a massive talking coin or Stormzy as the next prime minister.