Boris Johnson is the bumbling parody who has somehow managed to carve himself a political career despite being a complete moron. Only in 2016 is it possible for a man who doesn’t even know that Africa is a continent to become the Foreign Secretary of one of the most powerful countries in the world.
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But what’s even more laughable that the man who hailed the people of Papua New Guinea as cannibals or suggested the Prime Minister of Turkey had shagged a goat is his unbelievable barnet.
It might just be that his amusing traits and whimsical British persona is just a clever ruse to distract the public of his sinister motives. He did after all invoke the idea that “greed is good” by sharing his horrific policies on London wealth:
The harder you shake the pack the easier it will be for some cornflakes to get to the top.
Regardless, Boris’ hair is probably the only admirable thing about this man. The insanity of that paroxide mop seems to have progressed as steadily as his political career – it’s almost a political tool in itself. Let’s take a look at this infamous do to see just how far it has evolved over the years:
Before the bleach
Fresh-faced and tame-haired. The barnet had not taken hold quite yet.
Neat and tidy
Clearly his face bulked out before the hair did.
It didn’t take long for Boris to befriend his trusty peroxide. He hasn’t always been adept at getting the style down though.
When he’s not donning the fluff ball look, it appears he’s been at it with a pot of that blue hair gel high school kids used to use in the 90s.
Yes it seems like the main issue for Boris, aside from getting his facts straight, has been how to control his do in the goddamn wind.
At some point during Boris’ reign over London, the public came to realise he actually had a secret yearning to be a member of a really shit indie band.
He may look happy but his hair tells a different story.
This is one of the many occasions Boris would step into the public domain fresh from the bleach session.
Did Boris just model his style on varying pop stars from the 80s?
In more recent months Boris has clearly just given up and got his mum to take care of it. Times are a’changing.
I think that’s enough Boris for today. For more mental right-wingers, why don’t you take our quiz: ‘Who said it? Alan Partridge or Nigel Farage?’