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‘Journalist’ Stalks Domino’s Delivery Drivers To Investigate If ‘Domino’s Tracker Bar’ Is Accurate

Who said journalism is dead?

If there’s any site on the internet that knows about real journalism, it’s us here at Sick Chirpse. Our weekly Tinder round-ups and stories about masturbation, nude Instagram models and sexually rampant Euromillions winners speak for themselves. We’re only interested in bringing you coverage of the most urgent and important breaking news happening daily around the world (except on weekends where we mostly re-post old shit onto our Facebook page – hey, we need a break too you know).

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That’s why we were so shocked to discover this so-called journalist at ‘Melmagazine’ had gone to the effort of staking out his local Domino’s and following its delivery drivers in order to find out whether the Domino’s tracker bar is accurate.

The idea was to find out whether your pizza is really being “fired up” or “professionally inspected” when the Domino’s tracker tells you it is, or whether we’re all just mugs sitting there and getting our hopes up when really the order hasn’t even gone in the oven yet.

So is the Domino’s tracker bar accurate?

Spoiler – yeah, it sort of is.

Here’s the journalist Brian VanHooker’s conclusion (VIA):

So sure, the Domino’s Pizza Tracker was only off by a few minutes, but it was pretty clear that the progress bar was in no way related to what was actually going on. Instead, it seems like it’s just a pre-timed estimate of how long each step should take, but in no way is it customized for your order.

In short, I totally blew the lid off this whole pizza tracker thing, man. I don’t want to compare myself to Woodward and Bernstein or anything, but I’m pretty sure they never stalked a pizza man on a rainy evening to expose the truths that will haunt a generation. After all, they had Deep Throat to spoon-feed them what they needed to know, whereas I only had my notebook, my Domino’s app and my undying dedication to the truth. And to pineapple on pizza.

In all seriousness, good to see he’s got a sense of humour about the whole thing as well and realises how ridiculous this piece of ‘investigative journalism’ really is. I mean does anyone really care how accurate the tracker is as long as the pizza arrives within a reasonable timeframe (which it always does in my experience)?

You can read Brian’s full write-up HERE.

Big ups to Domino’s pizza delivery drivers all around the world – we forget about the effort some of them put in to get our pizzas delivered on time:

For the depressing story behind the birth of Domino’s Pizza, click HERE. The more you know.


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