IN the eyes of Manchester United fans Wayne Rooney has God like powers. To the Old Trafford faithful the striker can do no wrong — in fact they probably believe he can walk on water. But maybe, just maybe we’re doing him a disservice because it seems he really does have biblical powers after all.
It seems as if the 25-year-old is the modern day answer to Samson who was granted supernatural strength by God in order to combat his enemies and perform heroic feats. If we are to believe the religious story Samson ended up falling for a Philistine woman named Delilah. The Philistines bribed her to learn the secret of his great strength.
Samson at first resisted her attempts to learn the secret but eventually, in a moment of weakness, told her the secret was his long hair. Delilah cut it off, and Samson lost his strength and was captured by his enemies. And it seems Rooney’s new found powers on the pitch are linked to his very own new flowing locks.
The former Everton players spent thousands on a new hair transplant during the close season break. The procedure, which took eight hours under local anaesthetic, cost the footballer £12,000. Sir Alex Ferguson will probably believe its money well spent particularly as his new barnet has helped him get off to a flying start this season. The Liverpudlian has been on fire at the start of the new campaign that’s seen him score with his head against Tottenham Hotspur as well as a treble in the amazing 8-2 demolition job on Arsenal.
So it seems as if his Samson-esque powers are not in his boots but in his new artificial mane. Rooney’s story has got us here at Sick Chirpse thinking about others out there with United connections that might benefit from a sprinkling of his magic hair dust. You never know the king of the comb-over and club legend Bobby Charlton might follow in Rooney’s footsteps and decide it’s time his follicles were given a treat.
In fact the England ace might just be about to spark his very own hair transplant revolution. He’d be wise to open up his own consultancy as he’d have plenty of work on from former United players. Perhaps slapheads Fabien Barthez and Jaap Stam could be his first customers. He might even get a job lot of orders from Manchester United owner Malcolm Glazer and his sons Joel and Avram. You never know Fergie might even use the lure of a full bodied bonce as a transfer technique to lure players to Old Trafford in the future. That offer might just have swayed top summer transfer target Wesley Sneijder to sign on instead of staying at Inter Milan.
Other hairless heroes out there include former Chelsea winger Arjen Robben who has also been linked with Manchester United in the past. Maybe Robben might try to force through a move back to England after marvelling at Rooney’s new hairdo (check the photos here) and his blistering start to the season.