Everyone saw the videos and pictures of Dennis Rodman hanging out with Kim Jon Un and proclaiming him ‘a friend for life’ that were floating around the internet a few weeks ago, but I doubt anyone really thought that this was going to be the start of Dennis Rodman pursuing a bunch more of completely insane activities all over the world. Well, it turns out we were wrong.
Apparently a couple of days ago Dennis Rodman told TMZ.com that after meeting Kim Jon Un the next person on his list to meet was the new Pope. As everyone knows, the Pope resigned from his post – which hasn’t happened for like a billion years or something – which has caused quite a commotion amongst the Catholic Church whereas nobody else really cares. Except Dennis Rodman apparently.
If you read Sick Chirpse on the regs then you’ll know that right now a bunch of Catholic elders are holed up in the Sistine Chapel trying to decide who the next Pope should be. There’s a black candidate apparently which is causing a bunch of controversy too. Anyway, unlike the rest of the world who are dying to meet the new Pope (I don’t know if this is actually true but I’m assuming some people must be interested in meeting him, or he at least has to have some meetings with people about some shit) Dennis Rodman can’t wait to schedule it like a normal person for a couple of months down the line, he has to meet the new Pope ASAP which is why he’s over in the Vatican desperately ruffling feathers and trying to get this meeting locked down double fast.
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Why the hell does Dennis Rodman want to meet the Pope? We don’t know, I mean did anyone ever really figure out why he wanted to meet Kim Jon Un? I mean is Dennis Rodman even a Catholic? My best guess would be that he’s making some new series with Vice (they were over in Korea and they’re making a new series of stuff on HBO) that would be akin to Danny Dyer’s Deadliest Men, only with Dennis Rodman flying around the world and meeting nepotistic world leaders, which actually sounds like a pretty good idea for a show. I would probably tune in.
There are rumours going around that he’s desperately trying to get those locked in the Sistine Chapel to pick the black dude as the new Pope, but I don’t really buy that because it seems to be the work of some Irish betting company who are sponsoring him to be over there (pretty awesome exposure guys, oh wait I forgot to mention the name of the betting company, whoops) and were desperate to come up with some kind of campaign for him to be a figurehead in and just went for the most obvious one. Still, if the Catholic Church do pick a black Pope (no way that is going to happen for another 1000 years because the Catholic Church is actually that backward) then it will be a great bit of publicity and everyone will remember Dennis Rodman and this betting company for all of time. But it’s not going to happen so meh, whatever.
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Rodman himself has said that he just plans to be in the world ‘wherever he is needed.’ I’m not entirely sure why he would be considered when choosing a new Pope but it’s pretty entertaining so why not. Apparently Rodman does have some knowledge of the papacy, stating that his favourite previous Pope was Pope John Paul II: ‘He was cool as hell. He pretty much was like a pimp. Sitting up there … speaking like 20,000 different languages … He was great for the world.’ Yeah, he was like a pimp. I’m sure those Catholics are really interested about what Rodman has to say about picking a new Pope and granting him that elusive meeting after hearing that analysis of the previous incumbent.
So what’s Rodman actually been doing in the Vatican so far? Well he planned to rock into St Peter’s Square in the Popemobile just ‘doing his thing’ but this plan was apparently put on hold because the Popemobile was held up in snow in Northern Italy. Again – like this whole incident – this makes very little sense because a) what the hell is the Popemobile even doing in Northern Italy? and b) I don’t think any celebrity can just rock up to the Vatican and say they want a ride in the Popemobile and just get in it and do their thing can they!?
Aside from that Dennis Rodman just seems to have walked around the Vatican in a really stupid shirt ‘doing his thing.’ I don’t really know how this is gonna pan out but for the sake of the world let’s hope he gets this meeting and it’s televised in full. Here’s a few pictures of Dennis Rodman looking real stupid in the Vatican with a really stupid jacket and a pissed off looking escort, as well as a news report of Dennis Rodman that gives a couple of spoilers about what he’s actually doing there (and actually makes him seem way less retarded then you would expect) to tide you over until then.
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