Most of us know coppers to be a bit uptight, like they’ve got a really bad case of blue balls or they’ve just found out they were adopted at birth or something so it’s a bit of a surprise to come across a copper who knows how to have fun. Like, think of how many times you’ve actually seen one who looks like they’re enjoying themselves when they’re plodding down the street or burning up the roads in their new set of panda wheels. Exactly. It’s, like, probably one time, right? And that copper was probably a juiced-up coke fiend, anyway. Over here it’s full of the cunts.
I mean, no-one actually enjoys working unless you’re a sad bastard who’s got fvck-all else to live for but coppers really take the piss. They chose the fvcking job – it’s not one you can just breeze into – so I suppose they’re resigned to a life of misery and depression ‘cleaning up our streets’ and dealing with all the no-hopers swaying outside Spar at 8 in the morning with a flagon of White Ace or walking in on some grim scene where some sad existence is rotting away with a needle jabbed into their arm and they have to notify the family who forgot that family member existed in the first place. So, I suppose telling a copper to turn his frown upside down is like sucking your own dick. It just doesn’t happen. Unless you 1) fancy a cosy night in a cell or 2) have a cock the size of 4 cucumbers.
My mate’s a pig and trying to get him to smile is like trying to get Stephen Hawking to pick his own nose. It just doesn’t happen. Even when my mate’s got a few pints in front of him, the only twitch from his mouth is when he coughs or something. What a grumpy bastard. Makes you sick, dunnit?
So, yeah, I’ve never seen a copper smile, not even in the never-ending jungle of the internet or in real-life. Until now. I dunno whether traffic cops have it easier than the others but this guy really does look like he’s enjoying life. Either that or he just got laid. Check out his moves and use them on the weekend or whenever the fvck you want to. He livened up the shitty-boring Olympic Torch relay in Sevenoaks, anyway.