A Coventry teacher who ‘joked’ about having sex with the mum of a pupil has been banned from the profession following an investigation into his conduct at Lyng Hall School.

Michael Clark, 46, had taught maths at Lyng Hall since 2009, and had reportedly claimed he was ‘f***ing untouchable’ as he ‘bantered’ with students and even assaulted them on occassion.

In one incident in May 2022, Clark is said to ‘grabbed and twisted’ the arm of a child during a playfight after the child had gestured to him in an ‘inappropriate’ manner.

The child told staff at the school that after twisting his arm and putting him on the ground, Clark then put his foot on him as if to declare himself the winner, which is actually pretty funny, to be fair.

Mr Clark confessed at the time that he had ‘put my foot on him like I was champion.’ He returned to his class to continue teaching, and the boy later went back to his classroom and ‘taunted’ Mr Clark, who responded by throwing a whiteboard pen, the Teaching Regulation Agency (TRA) said.

Mr Clark said the incident had been sparked by the boy ‘sticking his finger up, calling me a p*ssy, saying he would batter me, joking.’ After the physical confrontation had happened, the 46-year-old is alleged to have said: ‘I one-handed kicked his @rsee, stood on his neck, job is a dunun, I have a tea on my arm though, it is hard to do it with one hand.’

Mr Clark admitted his relationship with the child was ‘not 100% professional’ and ‘more informal’ than it should be. Officials at the TRA determined that the incident was ‘not malicious’ and was instead playfighting, and let him off.

In another incident, Clark is said to have ‘pressed the collarbone’ of a child, and was said to have frequently made ‘vulgar’ remarks in front of pupils, including saying ‘f***ot’,  ‘p*ssy’. ‘f**k’ and b*****d.’

The real kicker came though when Mr Clark told a child: ‘I am usually in front of your mum, not behind. Maybe I will ring your mum up, she seems to love my phone calls.’

When the allegations were put to Mr Clark during an internal investigation, the 46-year-old said: ‘If that is what they are saying, then I must have.’ He was also said to have fallen asleep during lessons and examinations he was supervising.

In the end, the TRA found Mr Clark to have breached the Teachers’ Standards and he was banned indefinitely from teaching on February 10.

Marc Cavey, of the Teaching Regulation Agency, said: “In the light of the findings against Mr Clark, which involved him having made a number of expletive and inappropriate comments towards students, some of which were derogatory in nature and/or sexualised, and him having engaged in play fighting, inappropriate contact, and/or unreasonable force with pupils, there was a strong public interest consideration in respect of the safeguarding and wellbeing of pupils, particularly in light of his apparent lack of awareness of appropriate boundaries with children.”

Fair enough really. You can’t be twisting children’s arms, throwing pens at them, putting your foot on them, and falling asleep during lessons, but I will say that Mr. Clark’s talking smack was on point. Gotta give him that at least. Unfortunately for him, that kind of talk should be reserved for PS5 and Xbox chat rooms, not the classroom where you’re supposed to be the adult. Even if it does sound like he was a lot of fun at times.

Then again, it also sounds like these kids were absolute monsters to deal with. Bring back Mr. Clark, I say! He may just be exactly the type of teacher these little w@nkers need.

For the moment a Salford teacher asks ‘are you serious?’ before being jailed for sex with two pupils, click HERE.