Computer Programmer Wrote Computer Scripts To Do His Job For Him And Even Text His Wife

Clever bastard.

With the rise of the robots on it’s way, more and more jobs have technology replacing humans. Usually, however, people are wanting to keep their job and not be replaced by A.I.

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Not this guy though. After he left his job, a former colleague discovered exactly what he’d been up to – writing programming scripts to do his job for him. Apparently he is the kind of guy that if anything took more than 90 seconds to do, he’d just write a script to automate it.

One of the unnamed man’s creations was a script to automatically send his wife a text if he logged onto the company computers after 9pm, saying ‘Late at work’, followed by one of a pre-written list of excuses.

It wasn’t just his wife that was dealt with, it was part of his job, too. If a customer’s email contained the words ‘sorry’, ‘help’ or ‘trouble’, the script would automatically add the customer’s database to his company’s latest backup, and send an automated email response saying “No worries mate, be careful next time”.


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If he wasn’t logged into the work computer system by 8.45am, the script sent his boss an email saying “not feeling well, working from home” – so if he was ill or hungover, he never had to get up to make that dreaded sickie phone call.

It’s all pretty impressive so far, but this last detail is the best by a mile. The script could hack the coffee machine. It told the machine to pour him a coffee, exactly 24 seconds after he asked it to. Seems weird, right? 24 seconds.

That is exactly how long it took him to walk from his desk to the coffee machine.

Clever bastard.

Hopefully we’ll all be able to live our lives like that one day – we need to watch out that robots don’t start killing people though, like in the recent incident at the Volkswagen factory in Germany.


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