Charlie Brooker Is The Most Ruthless, Straight-Talking Man On TV



Much like Chris Morris is the king of British comedy, I would say Charlie Brooker is a close second (he even helped out on the writing for ‘Brasseye’ and ‘Nathan Barley’). It’s like he’s able to digest all of our shared hate for UK politics and dumb pop culture and articulate it in a much more intelligent and satirical way than our heads ever could.

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Brooker’s delivery is savagely bitter and he cuts up his controversial opinions into series that seem to follow the rule of ‘quality over quantity’. ‘Newswipe’, ‘Screenwipe’ and ‘Gameswipe’ were all topical, relevant and entertaining and between his vitriol musings and analytical perspective of TV broadcasting, he features clips from a wide variety of media figures ranging from Limmy to Doug Stanehope to David Firth.

Then there’s his box sets including the Big Brother zombie fest ‘Dead Set’ and the dystopian drama ‘Black Mirror’. Everything he touches turns to gold and seems to portray the main issues facing UK culture today in a satirical and yet strikingly realistic manner. Not to mention he’s a columnist for The Guardian. He’s the king of hate and for that we love him. Here’s a rundown of some of his ruthless put downs (mostly taken from ‘Newswipe’, although there’s a couple of others thrown in there for good luck):

1) Immigrants

Here’s how to make every fascist in the country look like an absolute moron in under half a minute:

2) Justin Bieber

“Just another nauseating, butter-wouldn’t-melt pop weasel, hammered into the global consciousness like a nail of frozen piss through a cabbage.” Couldn’t of put it better myself. I don’t think anyone could.

3) On religion

This quote is from one of his articles and it pretty much sums religion up in one bitter sentence:

Worshipping God is like fellating someone who intermittently stubs fags out on your head for no good reason. And we all know how unsatisfying that can be.

4) My super fucked sweet 16

I knew I always hated the spoilt little fucktards on this show, but I never knew how to get my hate across in an articulate way. Luckily I didn’t have to because Brooker did it for all of us.

Each episode follows an unbelievably spoiled, rich and tiny sod as they prepare to throw a despicably opulent coming of age party for themselves and their squealing shitcake friends.

5) Jade Goody’s Media Coverage

Never one to shy away from a controversial subject, the aim of this clip wasn’t to have a go at the celebrities themselves, but to show the sheer hypocrisy and ridiculousness of the British tabloids. And boy did he nail it.

6) Terror threat level 

Just like the last clip, in this one Brooker picks up and spits out the UK’s news broadcasting by showing us how reporters will pretty much make up any old bullshit to induce hatred, racism and fear within the British public. All the while portraying the issue in such a ridiculous light that you can’t help but laugh out loud.

7) The time he proved to be the master of prediction

OK, so this isn’t actually Brooker directly speaking himself, but I think it’s worth mentioning the time he predicted one of the most ridiculous, outrageous and lowest points of UK politics to date.

The very first episode of ‘Black Mirror’, titled ‘The National Anthem’, was all about the British Prime Minister having to fuck a pig live on TV to save the country’s princess. Cut forward a couple of years and the David Cameron pig saga came out. Completely fucking weird and Brooker himself even had to defend claims that he knew about the Cameron thing before he wrote the script.

Yep, if ever I’m feeling down about the world and I feel I need a little conformation for my hatred, I just turn to Brooker for a top up of bitterness. He’s our reliable source of vitriol satire. And luckily we don’t have long to wait until his next series, because the third season of ‘Black Mirror’ is out next month. Hooray.


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