After Milking And Porting The Series Comes To Its Logical Conclusion – Champagning


So after the stupidity of milking and porting we now get champagning – but these St Andrew’s students may have bitten off more than they can chew with this latest attempt at starting a hilarious internet craze.


Shout out to Frazer Timmerman for alerting everyone at Sick Chirpse to this one. To be honest I’m surprised I didn’t clock it myself (but then I didn’t go anywhere near the internet at the weekend as I was too busy getting fucked off my face in Brighton and that was when it broke, I feel like I still need to comment on it though for the sake of continuity on Sick Chirpse) after I was so onto the milking and porting crazes that have recently swept the nation. Or the eyes and minds of bored university students who instead of studying or at least going out and getting loaded and contracting as many STD’s as humanly possible in one semester have instead taken to pouring various different liquids over their heads and then making videos about it in order to get internet lolz. If you missed our reports on either milking or the stupidass-rival-craze-from-another-university-it-helped-foster porting then you can check them out at their respective links, but it looks as if  the final curtain has been drawn on the latest dumb internet sensation after the controversy of champagning in St. Andrews.

If you’ve read about milking and porting then you’re going to know what champagning is because it doesn’t take a genius to figure it out at all. It’s basically exactly the same as the other two ‘internet crazes’ except that it involves champagne instead of milk or port. So yeah, these idiots will go into a store, pick up a bottle of champagne and then pop the bottle and pour it all over their heads somewhere. Sweet look dude. Apparently they all got £25 bottles of Moet which is nowhere near as outrageous as this phase could have been, but let’s be serious if you’re a student you probably shouldn’t be spending £25 on a bottle of champagne that you’re just going to pour all over your head. Although if you’re from St. Andrews I guess it might be slightly different because you’re probably going to get at least double that as hourly pocket money from mommy and daddy whilst you’re studying.

Surprisingly though, unlike milking and porting which were both pretty much universally embraced by the internet world in general – although incidentally I did say were both completely stupid and pointless and would be forgotten in a couple of months, but whatever – the reaction to champagning has been one of almost universal condemnation. St Andrew’s university themselves have completely distanced themselves from the video and forced those responsible for it to take it off YouTube and issue a grovelling apology to the SU President who goes by the name of Freddie Fforde and is probably a member of at least one Scandinavian royal family. The University issued a statement via their paper stating that the video lacked ‘“respect for the great many students, staff and townspeople in St Andrews who have for a long time been committed to tackling out of date stereotypes” which is probably one of the dumbest statements ever because everybody knows that only rich and posh kids get into St Andrew’s. I mean it’s where Prince William and Kate Middleton met each other FFS.

On the flipside of this, the pranksters themselves issued a statement explaining that the video was intended as “as a harmless joke and an attempt to join in on the latest craze that began with milking in Newcastle and porting in Durham, as well as being ironic towards ourselves.” They went on to say they were “shocked, saddened and deeply regretful” of the hateful reaction the video received. The hateful reaction is pretty fvcking funny though, as this YouTube screengrab testifies:

Champagning YouTube Screengrab

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But yeah I don’t think these guys were really that outrageous in their actions. I mean everyone knows that St. Andrews is a school full of posh twats and their reaction to this is only going to further cement this reputation. Yeah it is pretty gross that they’re just wasting champagne like they’re the Rich Kids Of Instagram or something (allegedly in the video there is one part where a guy emptied an £80 bottle all over himself in the bath) but no real worse (comparatively) then the guys in Durham and Newcastle on their respective budgets. The only difference being that the guys at Durham and Newcastle are fvcking LADS who don’t give a fvck about their reputation or whatever whereas the guys at St. Andrews are so desperate to alter theirs, which is retarded because they haven’t really done anything at all to do this ever.

If they want to change the perception that they’re a school for rich dickheads then I can offer them a quick how to course in how to do it – stop begging members of the Royal Family to come and study there, let more people with good grades in even if they are poor, and WHEN SOMETHING LIKE THIS HAPPENS DON’T OVERREACT LIKE A BUNCH OF SPOILED RICH KIDS ABOUT IT. Honestly, the fact that they MADE THE GUYS REMOVE THE VIDEO is borderline 1984 George Orwellian shit. Of course everyone is gonna think you’re on the level with the rest of reality when you act like that guys, for sure. Maybe one day they might act like normal people and not the posh toffs that they are but it seems unlikely anytime soon.

In the meantime (i.e. forever) you can check some highlights from the champagning video below. Although it was removed from YouTube somehow the Daily Mail got a hold of some of it and there’s an embed code so it’s right here on Sick Chirpse. It’s probably the worst one out of porting and milking though, so be warned.

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