CHIRPSES

Chain Emails – Carry On Reading, Or You Will Die

The nonchalant death threats disguised as comments on social networking sites. We’re all doomed.

Do people still believe this shit? Yet another example of humanity’s downward spiral to eventual self induced Armageddon. John Lennon has been shot, Nicki Minaj dominates the UK singles chart and brainless fuckwits continue to repost laughable anecdotes of damnation on social networks. While casually browsing Facebook, I noticed this posted on one of Jessie J’s profile pictures (I had a strange short lived attraction to her for an hour or so after the Olympics closing ceremony, so what?):

WARNING!
This is not a joke! Carry on reading! Or you will die, even if you only looked at the word warning!
Once there was a little girl called Clarissa, she was ten-years-old and she lived in a mental hospital, because she killed her mom and her dad. She got so bad she went to kill all the staff in the hospital so the government decided that the best idea was to get rid of her so they set up a special room to kill her, as humane as possible but it went wrong the machine they were using went wrong. And she sat there in agony for hours until she finally died. Now every week on the day of her death she returns to the person that reads this letter, on a monday night at 12:00a.m. She creeps into your room and kills you slowly, by cutting you and watching you bleed to death. Now send this to ten other pics on this one site, and she will haunt someone else who doesn’t pass this on like you did. And forget about you.

Example 1:

Jenny didn’t believe this and deleted it without even reading the whole thing! A few days later on the monday night, she was woken up by loud footsteps and heavy breathing, there was Clarissa standing there with a huge knife and well Jenny is history now.

That is how it may appear to the untrained eye. The more cynical viewer sees something along these lines:

WARNING!
The following short story is complete and utter bullshit. Carry on reading at your peril. Chances are, your intelligence quotient will decrease by orders of magnitude as a direct result of the nonsensical immaturity of what you are about to apprehend.
Once there was a girl named Clarissa, she was bored one rainy afternoon, so decided to conjure up a story of terror that would surely give Rob Zombie a run for his money. Despite the grammatical errors and lack of evidence for her claims, the world believed her tales of tyranny. Now, at midnight every Monday, gullible young folks up and down the country who have heard of her story quiver in fear of the oncoming slaughter. However, many young social networkers take solace in the knowledge that they have exploited Clarissa’s Achilles’ heel, for she will move on to haunt someone else if you share her story ten times.

What Happens When You Fail To Forward That Mail

I seriously question the mental capacity of any “mature” person who reposts such horror stories. I find “Example 1” particularly amusing. In this day and age, we need evidence to substantiate our claims, and what better evidence than poor young Jenny being “history now”? Presumably looking like something from the foothills of Aokigahara. This is one of hundreds of ridiculous stories I’ve seen. Some may recall another about an unwelcome clown and an altercation with an unassuming babysitter.

If only Elisabeth Fritzl had shared Josef’s story 10 times, maybe she wouldn’t have been trapped in a basement for two decades. Next time you see such a comment on Facebook, I strongly urge you to take action against the perpetrator in whatever way you see fit.

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