CHIRPSES

Beast Of Brooklyn Washes Up On Banks Of NYC’s East River

Half-Pig. Half-Man. Half-Fvcking-Dog. You think you’ve seen some weird shit? Well, welcome to the jungle with the Beast of fvcking Brooklyn. Prepare to shit your pants.

A week has passed and even us monster hunters at Sick Chirpse still cannot ascertain the true identity of the Brooklyn Beast.

Approximately one week ago this monster was found and pictured by an amateur photographer who was out taking a stroll in Manhattan.

The photographer, Denise Ginley, explained that she was out walking under the Brooklyn Bridge (apparently not looking for trolls) when she stumbled across the half-man half-pig half-dog.

Ginley explained how she stumbled across the beast:

We were horrified by it and we took some camera phone pictures and then finally we decided to come back with my camera and I got up the courage to climb over the fence and get closer to it.”

I know you are sat there thinking…so what it’s just a bloated fvcking pig that’s been fed up on pop tarts – get over it.

It’s not until closer inspection that we can see that Babe Dog in the City has in fact got a couple of toes instead of the hooves of its curly tailed friends.

 If you read up online about the Brooklyn Beast you might stumble across conspiracy theorists who are overly fond of The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to the extent that they would have you believe that our boy is in fact a giant rat – but i’m afraid he’s no Splinter.

I’ve seen enough Simpsons episodes with the three eyed fish to know that it isn’t a coincidence that there is an animal test centre around the corner from where this bad boy washed up.

Although the New York Parks Department have claimed from day one that it was just a pig they threw out after a cookout and that they just simply “disposed of it.”

The theory that we have come up with in the offices of Sick Chirpse is ever so simple really, in fact, we’ve had this intel from a pretty good source from a place not so far from New York itself, New Jersey in fact.

It’s not by chance that in the same week Snooki has come out with photos of her up the duff that an aborted rat pig dog has turned up on the side of a river.

I’m not actually a private detective but check this photo below and tell me that you can’t make a link between the two.

After all, this fat waste of space must’ve been pregnant with the Antichrist and we all know that in order for that to happen you have to fvck a Jackal or something (please see The Omen).

 

Follow AMJ on Twitter @amjeezie for latest articles.

Trending

To Top