This Declassified Al Qaeda Terrorist Job Application Is An Absolute Nightmare To Fill Out

Any soon-to-be graduates looking for a job?

Are you a uni student wondering what to do with your life now that your 3 years of study/mostly fucking about are nearly over?

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How about turfing that job your dad’s trying to hook you up with in favour of becoming an Al Qaeda terrorist? Here’s the recently declassified application form courtesy of Gawker:




Seems a bit of a bitch to fill out, doesnt it? Why the hell do they need to know all that info? What happened to the good old days of Al Qaeda where the only qualification was that you’re willing to blow yourself up?

You have to love this question though:


Gotta make sure they can inform your family who are already worried sick about you once you decide to turn yourself into human TNT. At least we know the Al Qaeda human resources office are on top of it.

Speaking of things that have recently been declassified, here’s a list of songs the CIA has officially used to torture Muslim prisoners — some real bangers on the list.

P.S. 100% kidding about the suggestion any of our readers join Al Qaeda. Just thought I’d add that in because you never know when the Mi5 are going to come crashing through Sick Chirpse HQ.


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