MOVIES

MOVIES TO WATCH BEFORE HOLLYWOOD FUCKS THEM UP

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen it, the original is much better though!” If this is the attitude you enjoy taking to movies then have a gander at 4 classics set to be aborted and sent to a cinema near you.

Point Break (1991) Rated 15

Point Break is another cult classic that is scheduled to be churned out of the Hollywood remake machine I know what you’re all thinking…isn’t that the movie where Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze
run around all homoerotic-like having fisticuffs on surfboards over who gets to bang the pretty girl who looks a bit like a boy? Well you aren’t entirely wrong, but there is so much more to it.

The film centres around the brilliantly named Johnny Utah (Reeves), an ex-professional footballing, all American undercover cop charged with the job of infiltrating the surfing community in order to
apprehend the bank robbing clan nicknamed the Ex-Presidents led by Bodhi (Swayze). The director of the original is no other than the acclaimed and Oscar winning director of the Hurt Locker, Kathryn
Bigelow (No relation to Deuce Bigalow Male Gigalo), and it even has Gary Busey doing a very convincing impression of a smiling baboon on crack.

There is not much news on the remake as of yet except the rumour that apparent soon-to-be more famous than he should be Kaiwi Lyman will be taking the mantle of Bodhi. If you are, as you should be, saying who the hell is this Kiwi Lemon bloke? He’s an absolute nobody who has spent the best part of 20 years getting better abs than the average CK model needs. It doesn’t matter how much work he puts in though as he will still look like a crossbreed of Kid Rock and a Chad Kroeger. O, and he has also been in straight to video classic Mega Shark VS Crocosaurus. Please join me in wishing death on him and this remake. Thanks.


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