It was earlier this year that scientists said they’d found the brain region that controls physical ageing, and were going to target it to control the lifespan of lab mice. The end game is obviously figuring out a way to stop, slow down and speed up the ageing process in humans, but how long would we realistically have to wait for this to become reality?

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If history has taught us anything, it will go something like this:

– First they’re going to perfect the art of controlling the life span of mice. That will take ten years until they get it right.

– Next step: do the same thing to monkeys. It will take another ten years.

– Finally they will begin testing on humans, but it will go disastrously wrong and they’ll spend ten years in court battling lawsuits for inadvertently killing a group of human volunteers.

– Ten years later they will have finally perfected the art of stopping humans from ageing.

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So there it is. By the time this formula is on the streets and at a price we can all afford, we’ll already be too old to benefit. And our future grandkids will be left with eternal youthfulness and amazing health. And not only that – they’ll have Playstation 3000s, robots that give blowjobs and holidays to the moon.

We were all born too soon. Damn you, science. So slow.