CHIRPSES

Batman_LDN: Why It Snowed Last Week

Batman_LDN Snow

Batman_LDN is back on Sick Chirpse with a new semi-regular column in which he details his incredible life. This week he explains why it snowed last week and why it was all essentially his fault. He also apologises.

Batman_LDN Snow

SAFE!

So as you are no doubt aware, last week Mr Freeze took over England for a bit. The weather fella told you it was because of weather but obviously he was lying because Jay-Z decided that the public weren’t ready to realise the carnage that a gwan.

It all started when I saw Mr Freeze in the pub a few weeks ago with the Tupac hologram. We’d had beef in the past as you’ve probably heard, but on this occasion we decided to allow the hype coz neither of us wanted to get barred coz on Thursdays they give out chips for free and us man are conscious of the recession you get me?

So it was a pub quiz ting that night, I was in a team with Cliff Richard and to be honest I couldn’t really be bothered, but he had backed a few jagerbombs & got some packet so he decided that he was the world’s cleverest bloke; we went to the bar and he got a in a couple rounds of Stella, a bit of paper & a pen. Our team was called “Piff Richard”.

We’re a few rounds into the quiz and a few more rounds into the beers, and the quizmaster (H from Steps) revealed that all the teams were doing shit apart from Piff Richard & Ice Pac. Now until this point I didn’t even realise that Mr Freeze had entered the quiz innit. I thought the bloke, like us, was just in for the chips. But nah! In the corner like a pair of Dev Patel’s them man are goin on like they’re on the 2,364,383,097 rupee question. Baaaare keen faces. The Tupac hologram looked like he needed a shit but he weren’t missing no question for no faeces so my man curled out a holocrap on the floor and ting.

Madness.

So I’m remembering my past beef with Mr Freeze now yeah? About when he sold me a 3 video mobile and told me they were gonna be the next big ting. HE WAS RIGHT ABOUT NEXT BIG TING. It was a flippin brick fam. You could record 30 second videos which was bless but still I’m gettin proper aggy now and wanting to wipe the floor with that spengalengs bumlips. So I send for Google Brain, a new app they got, which is just like Google, but it’s in your foot.

Next ting man’s gettin baaare answers correct. H from Steps takes our answers. Me and Cliff are feeling good about wagwan. I prayed to the gods of Modestep to show me a sign. Modestep – Feel Good comes on the jukebox. I prayed again and said I already felt good you bumbajiff. They got annoyed and played an unreleased collab with Cliff. Cliff gets embarrassed and runs out screaming “It ain’t mastered yet fam!” I’m vex.

With no Cliff in my team, the rules stated that I should have got disqualified. But because I squashed the rumour that H from Steps used to shoot up H on some steps, I won the £15 bar tab and got to take home a beer mat of my choice.

Mr Freeze knew Ice Pac should have been victorious. So he turned on his snow machine for a bit.

So yeah sorry about that.

☛ More Batman_LDN:

How To Do A Sick Chirpse With Batman_LDN 

Batman_LDN Goes To Boomtown Festival  

A Day In The Life Of Batman_LDN 


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