The ‘World’s Fastest Stoner’ Finished Last In An Olympic Marathon Trial

World's Fastest Stoner

It was the worst qualifying time by a man or a woman since 2000.

A guy called Chris Barnicle (above right) finished 105th out of 105 competitors at the US marathon trials for the 2016 Rio Olympics, despite claiming he was ‘the world’s fastest stoner’.

He clocked a time of 3:45:34 which is fairly respectable for most casual runners, but for an actual Olympic athlete is a bit of a joke – the guy who came first clocked 2:11:12. The person who came 104th was a woman named Joanna Zeiger, who has had multiple rib surgeries and was still suffering from rib pain, abdominal spasms, and nausea. She clocked 3:23:28.

Barnicle – who used to be a professional runner at college, but now runs a medical marijuana business and regularly preaches about how marijuana edibles have helped his long distance running – described his experience:

It was around Christmas time this year, and I thought: I got the trials qualifier, I live in L.A., so I just got to sign up and renew my USATF membership and do it–it’ll be so much fun.

I wished I had been able to prepare more fully for the race, but a lingering injury and short training window prevented me from doing so.

I had one little tempo run where I ran ten miles in sixty-five minutes and felt pretty comfortable, that was a few weeks out.

I did a three hour long run, no distance on that, just three hours, and I did a twenty miler that was pretty easy.

So my thought going into the race was that I was going to run comfortably off the back and I’ll slowly pick people off.

Featured Image VIA

But after about three or four miles I realised that wasn’t going to happen.

I kept thinking there’d be people that were dying. But it was me that was dying. I was just trying to finish.

I collapsed due toc ramps around the 22 mile mark.

There were medics coming by and asking me if I needed to drop off–I feel like they were almost suggesting that I do it–but for me, I had to do it.

I’ve dropped out of some races before, and I know there’s no worse feeling in the world.

I’m not telling you if I ate edible marijuana the morning of the race.

I worked really hard to make it to the finish line and to get my name in the results. I would hate for USATF to be able to change that to a DQ.

It was a tough race, but a really, really special day.

Chris Barnicle

Image VIA

Yeah, that doesn’t really sound that fun, does it?

Chris hopes to one day get back into running but for now he’s focussed on his medical marijuana business. He previously ran a company with two former university running friends called Organic Zip, but that folded because ‘the guys were flaky’.

No shit dude, they’re stoners. Maybe if you weren’t baked all the time you might have realised when the Olympic trials were and actually been able to train to compete in them. Maybe you would have realised that even attempting to run the race was going to end in complete and utter embarrassment if you weren’t completely stoned off your face too. Just saying.

Maybe stick to the 4/20 games instead of the big leagues.


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