Should I Be Upset If My Girlfriend Seeks Phone Sex With Other People?

The line between fidelity and infidelity is difficult to determine, especially with all the advances in technology that have occurred over the past couple of decades. Most people would agree that having sex with a person outside of your relationship is undeniably a violation of trust. But what about sexting, phone sex, or video sex? It’s new territory. So, let’s talk about whether you should be upset if your girlfriend seeks phone sex with other people.

Decide What Commitment Means to You

Many couples make the mistake of assuming they are on the same page about what counts as cheating and what doesn’t. Since there are so many grey areas about what counts as sex and what doesn’t, it’s essential to have a conversation about what you’re comfortable with. To prepare, think about what you’re genuinely comfortable with versus what you wish you were comfortable with. Don’t try to please your partner by acting less insecure than you are. The more you’re able to voice your concerns, the safer your relationship will be from infidelity.

Keep in mind that this needs to be an ongoing conversation. Trust takes time to build. While you may not trust your girlfriend to have phone sex with others right now, you may change your mind in the future when you’ve been together for a while and are on more solid ground.

Consider Other Factors

Sex workers are an integral part of our society, despite the stigmatization that they face. And many people end up in long-term fulfilling relationships with sex workers. So, if you or your partner is a phone sex operator and phone sex is part of your job, you should consider that before you get into a relationship. It’s not okay to get into a relationship and then try to undermine her livelihood because of your insecurity. If you don’t want to date someone who does sex work, you may want to examine why. But you should also do the right thing and not try to pressure your partner out of their income.

Give Phone Sex A Shot

If your girlfriend is seeking phone sex because she’s not sexually satisfied in your relationship, this is a problem worth addressing. You may want to go to couples counseling, but it’s much cheaper if you can simply talk about the problem yourselves. Would she be interested in having phone sex with you? If so, plan a time to call her up and get a little bit wild together.

However, if you try phone sex and you don’t like it, that’s perfectly fine. A lot of people don’t like it, but many do. Let your partner know you’re not into it without trying to shame them for their sexual interests. And then, you’ll need to discuss where your relationship is headed.

Think About Opening Your Relationship

When you find yourselves with sexual incompatibility, the options are that you can break up or you can open the relationship. If you’re in an otherwise excellent relationship, there’s no reason your relationship should have to end just because you’re not into all the same things in the bedroom.

If you’d both like the relationship to continue, maybe you can agree to an open relationship. It’s a relatively frequent occurrence, with some estimating that five percent of heterosexual couples are in open relationships.

A lot of people think that in an open relationship, anything goes, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. The hallmark of a healthy open relationship is a ton of boundaries. Discuss whether you’d like your exes, co-workers, family members, and any other people that you feel uncomfortable with to be off-limits.

Some couples have a timeframe for their polyamory. Perhaps, once a month or whenever you’re away on business, you both have the night to do whatever you want. Or maybe you both pick one person you trust that you get to sleep with whenever you want. Some couples have an open and honest conversation whenever someone new and interesting comes into their orbit, and then they decide together whether or not it’s a good idea to connect sexually with that person. Whatever agreement you come to, the important part is that you are both honest about all of your extracurricular activities.

Have Safe Phone Sex

If you do open your relationship, it’s crucial that you use a safe site for phone sex. Pick a site that will anonymize all of your information so that you don’t get involved with someone who can call unannounced. Arousr is a nonjudgmental place where both you and your partner can get your needs met. Check out why this expert believes that Arousr is an excellent place to connect with other people online: