We all know how difficult life can be as a stoner. You need money to buy weed, obviously, but then you also get those goddamn munchies when the clock hits 11pm.
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In between the haze of Netflix box sets and Camberwell Carrots, out of nowhere that crave for junk food will kick in and you’ll be left wondering what to do with your loose change.
Well thanks to industrialised food joints, it is now possible to feed that hunger with no more than 99p. For less than one hundred English pennies you can buy a lump of mashed up hydrogenated oil and chicken ballsacks. Bargain or what? So if you’re at a loose end while baked off your head tonight (or any night) just pick an item from this list, get the Google Maps going and get yourself to your nearest fast food joint ASAP.
OK, so it might not seem like much and you did used to get a large fries for this price. BUT (and it’s an important but) when you are high, you can’t deny that them salty fried sticks of oily goodness are unbeatable. They’re probably the best chips in the world and I’m fully willing to fight anyone who disagrees.
Yes, the McFlurry (most of them) is still 99p. Isn’t that incredible? While David Cameron was announcing that we have to go through a five-year period of extreme austerity, McDonald’s was sticking its middle finger back at him by refusing to increase the price of its mashed up branded product with obscenely sweet ice cream. Stoners rejoice.
This is one for all you fans of a wake and bake. If you’re high AF after smoking that one skin at 9am this morning and you can be arsed to cart yourself down to Burger King then I strongly suggest you should take advantage of this potato-based bargain.
So at Burger King you can get either a standard cheeseburger or a standard hamburger, both at the low, low price of 99p. But I thought I’d recommend the former because cheese. Who doesn’t love cheese, especially when fuckoed?
2 Hot Wings
Again, this might not seem like much, but you’re the one who only has a quid because you spent all your money on weed. If you go with this deal, just make sure you savour every single mouthful. You know it’ll be finger lickin’ good.
Ice Cream Sundae
You’ve got a choice of either toffee or strawberry. Normally they say beggars can’t be choosers but in this case you can be the chooser. Just once though.
It might be vegetarian but this beast of a deal will actually fill you up. Burrito for 99p? That’s a fucking deal breaker if ever I saw one.
OK, so I think I’ve just found my new favourite fast food place. Seriously? Churros for 99p? When god decided on the day he was going to make stoner food, churros was included on the menu. That sweet deep-fried goodness is more satisfying than sex… well maybe not, but close.
Any Chinese takeaway
Chips and Curry Sauce
This is a two items in one bit because you can’t have chips from a Chinese takeaway without teaming it with curry sauce. And they’re both 99p (unless you’re shopping in West London in which case, you have no business using this list) and they’re both the best. I would have to say that this is probably the best deal you’re going to get if you’re high and skint. It’s a one-way ticket to munchies satisfaction.
Hope you enjoyed that. For more of the same, check out the most fucked up Southeast Asian fast food menu items.