If I had to describe the internet to someone who’d never heard of it before, I’d probably say it was a vast, billowing mouth connected to an endlessly churning, bottomless stomach, constantly vomiting literally everything that has ever existed all over the eyes of the world’s population.
Then I’d show them the video below, because it represents everything that the internet stands for if you know how to use it properly: Weird shit, mostly of a sexual nature, and mostly likely to turn your browser into the Google homepage faster than you can say ‘don’t look at me!’ as your mum bursts through your bedroom door unannounced with a cup of tea.
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If you haven’t yet seen it, I can only apologise from the bottom of my completely insincere heart for what you’re about to witness. If you can picture the worst type of beard-scratching, “you-just-don’t-get-it-man” arsehole creating a conceptual art porno that represents the struggle of disabled people in the sex industry, you’re probably still nowhere near.
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In fact, it’s obscene enough that some of you might actually decide to unleash your previously flaccid piece and start fapping like it’s Christmas. Well good luck to you, maybe you could tell us in the comments section below how you got on (please don’t).