After Rebecca Black destroyed our faith in humanity, we thought there was no way it could get worse. But then, there was Double Take who boiled our skin off with their putrid voices and crippled us with the sheer fvcking ugliness of their ‘music’. After listening to that song, we all had enough, right? All of us packed our bags to move somewhere quiet and awesome for a few months; somewhere with no internet access so there was no way we’d hear those hideous songs. Somewhere like an ice-cave in the Arctic or a mud-hut in Tibet. But even the fvcking Yeti had heard those songs and woke you up one morning as he was yodelling them like Stephen Hawking on acid. So you came home. Or am I the only one who’s done that? Whatever…
It’s been a pretty peaceful couple of weeks/months, though, on the really-shit-songs-front unless you count that rancid garbage Tulisa has been plugging the airwaves with. C’mon, though, it was obviously gonna be shit. She can’t even suck a dick properly. Any bird who can’t suck a dick tidy has no hope of holding a few notes, that’s a fact.
However, here’s something that, after listening to it, will make you want to go out and get as fucked-up as possible and just pretend that you never heard it. Or you might just want to go and find a cliff. It’s so terrible – it had me crying in a dark corner for about a day and I’ve emerged from that corner a dribbling, sweaty, scared little piece of birth mess. A bit like John Terry. Help. Humanity has been abandoned again. Fvck Facebook.