Let’s face it, drink driving is a hideous thing to do but there are more of us out there who’ve done it than those who haven’t. It’s basically a fact. Drink driving is the easy way out and I think that’s why so many people do it. It’s easier on your wallet, easier to get to the pub/club where you’re drinking, easier to get that bird with the delicious legs and banging tits back to your place (in the morning she’s  inevitablygot a head like a cabbage and a face that looks like it’s been hit with a shovel too many times though) and most of us are too lazy to walk home or to catch a taxi, anyway. Drink driving isn’t the easy way out when you wake up in a cellthough, next to some brick shit-house with skin as greasy as Joey Barton‘s hair and with your trousers wrapped around your ankles and your arsehole as round as Pacman and stinking of the brick shit-house’s unwashed dick.

So, yeah, basically, drink driving is a pretty shitty thing to do and we don’t give advice that much on Sick Chirpse because we’re not cunts like that but we pretty much want to tell you to avoid doing it. Open your head.

Some pub in Michigan, which looks pretty awesome/seedy, has got the right idea. They’ve recently installed motion sensors in their pissers which then lets a gadget in the urinal know when there’s someone having a tinkle. The gadget then sparks into life, and starts to talk to you – saying things like ‘Hey, listen up – that’s right, I’m talking to you,’ and ‘Have you had a few drinks? Maybe a few too many?’. I’d be totally freaked out if a urinal started to talk to me, and I’d probably think someone has lashed a piece of acid into my pint and then I’d thank them. Acid ain’t cheap, you know. But, yeah, hearing a urinal speaking would be totally fucked-up and it would definitely put me off driving home, wasted as fvck. Let’s hope the message works.

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