OK, we get it. The end of the world may or may not be coming. I’d say the odds are against it, but who am I to question the ancient Mayans (then again, who are they to question me? They didn’t even have FAX machines back then – losers). But if the eternal poop really is going to hit the fan, where should we go to escape it’s black and fiery clutches? Well I will tell you, read on….
According to many, the only place that will survive the apocalypse is a tiny little town called Bugarach in the Languedoc-Rousillon region of southern France. Why? No one seems to know. A rumour started on the internet a couple of years back but no one can seem to trace it back to anyone. Jean-Pierre Delord, the town’s mayor, was alerted to it back then but he isn’t so sure. His major concern is suicide death cults like ‘The Order of the Solar Temple’ that killed themselves and a few others (including a baby that was stabbed to death with wooden stakes!?) in the Alps in the 90’s.
There are just 176 residents in this little rural village, so consequently Bugarach is sleepy as fvck and they aren’t up for crazed nut jobs or panicked hippies ruining the towns super-chilled flavour. But why is Bugarach supposed to be chosen as the survivor? Well the area has had some mysterious shenanigans in the past. Many blame/credit it’s weird ‘upside-down’ mountain. The 4,300ft tall Pic de Bugarach is odd because the rocks on the top are older than the ones at the bottom which is not the way these things are supposed to work. There are also a butt load of caves where strange noises are reported to emanate.
The mountain has a flat table top and some have posited that there may be a UFO car park within it and a UFO landing pad on the top. Why, oh why would aliens land on a platform when they could land a lot more subtly on the ground its self? The town does seem to have had some strange bits and bobs going on over the years though. Nostradamus used to live near by for starters, and it was also home to a cult known as the Cathars who were a mysterious and persecuted cult in medieval times. But still…. would a town be saved from an Apocalypse just because they have a track record of attracting fruit loops?
The number of ramblers visiting the area doubled between 2010 and 2011 from 10,000 to 20,000, partly due to this safe haven nonsense, and naked people with shining golden orbs have been spotted on the hillside. Fvcking hippies. Some of the more savvy villagers have tried to make some cash out of the desperate people who want to survive the end of the world (I don’t know why they would bother, what are they going to do? All the people that make films, TV and books will be dead so they’ll be living in squalor like beasts. You may as well crash and burn with the rest of us). One bloke who has a four bedroom house is offering it out to rent for 1500 Euros per night, or 400 if you fancy camping in his empty field. Fair enough, rinse the stupid. A local winery has created an end-of-the-world vintage too. I think it’s fair enough to capitalise on all the ruckus, they’ve already had their village sign nicked three times, and the mayor is pissed off. Get all the cash you can from the morons, that’s what capitalism is all about after all.
The latest news on this blessed village is that the French government are closing the whole place down for the build up to the end of world. Officially it’s because of health and safety concerns – naked druids wandering up the hill and cult suicides to name but two – but of course other, more conspiratorial types, are saying it’s all a cover up for UFO landing/ flying/ alien/wolfman/crop circle shit. In summary – Bollocks.