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falsepride

My 10 year old niece was bragging that she watched Stranger Things & wasn’t even scared. So I told her to watch Event Horizon. She did & apparently screamed the house down & stared crying. My sister is not happy with me….

onlyfans neighbour

I’m in a happy relationship with my gf but just found a girl in my building has an only fans. She’s very sexy so I’m very tempted to pay for porn for the first time in my life. Would that be considered “cheating” or a relationship ruiner? I’m more curious to see her naked than anything else. I’m thinking maybe I’ll tell my gf about it and hopefully she’s curious enough to want to sign up with me. But what if she isn’t?

FIFABRIBE

I’ve had the same coke dealer for 5 years. He was 18 when he started selling to me. He got a job in a recruitment company recently and you should have seen how happy he was to tell me about it. I’m actually proud of him. He still sells me coke.

CHEWEDBEES

I had a lump in my testicles that turned out to be benign, but to find that out I had to visit my GP who is a tall, slim MILF with glasses. I can’t help but think that her and the nurse that was also present were laughing about my tiny penis afterwards, which shriveled up more than usual because I was feeling insecure about it and also concentrating hard on not getting a boner. That’s life with a small dick for you.

There’s a take out place near where I live where the girl working there is always kind of flirty. I couldn’t tell if she was interested or just really good at her job. Anyway one day I went in and she was on her lunch break in one of the booths. After I got my food I said hi and asked if I could sit with her. She laughed and said “um, no, sorry”. Haven’t been back in months.

PRINGLE39

When I first discovered wanking I sometimes used to wait until nightfall, go into the garden and wank myself to completion in pitch blackness. Something about the stillness of the night really got my juices flowing.

CHUN_LI

I took the virginity of the Chinese international student that lives next door to me at uni. She barely speaks English and didn’t seem to particularly enjoy herself. She definitely didn’t cum anyway, not that I gave her much reason to

MACPARIAH

My girlfriend has started closing her eyes during sex.

SNOWFLAKES

Back in college days me and my friends used to drive into this rural area, find a random car and just follow it for as long as possible just to freak them out. I don’t even know why but it was fun at the tiime. Anyway one time we followed this guy for around 20 minutes and he was clearly trying to get rid of us. In the end he lead us down this road into a dead end, turned his car around and started revving and coming for us. We were in my mate’s piece of shit Corsa and I thought we were all going to die for sure. His bumper was inches from us at around 80MPH at one point. I honestly thought we were going to crash or get beaten to death with a cricket bat or something.  In the end he drove off in another direction and we cracked up about it. For a while though I know everyone was as scared as I was.

REDD

I can’t have sex with athletic girls because my penis won’t fit in the good positions

DRAGONHEAD

I do not make other people’s cups of tea to the same standard I make my own.

RYDILLON

Ex-girlfriend put her name brand purse down next to a fountain so she could go and buy ice cream when we were shopping. Shockingly it was gone when she came back 5 minutes later. As the boyfriend, I had to console her and pretend it was not her fault at all. Birds man.

[no name]

Was asked my professional opinion on how quick rust can form on a vehicle, to be used by a customer suing someone else in court. Answered to the best of my ability. Later, wondered if it was right. Looked it up. I was very wrong. Sorry Barry.

DEEPTHOUGHT

Whenever I have a big decision to make I make sure I have a big wank first.

SNORLAXABLE

I WFH and I’ve spent probably three quarters of my life on this earth in the last month alone in my bed. I think the biggest disappointment is that I still massively prefer physically deteriorating in one place to the rat race commute, ironically primarily because i get to sleep for longer.

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You are forgiven! See you next Friday.

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