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Let’s go…

EYEGOTWORMS

I was riding my bike through mitcham not too long ago and a group of black kids called me a “white pussy” and I just kept on riding past them. Yes. They’re not wrong. I am a white pussy.

FRANCOIS

Wasted in Bangkok took a petite Thai hooker back to my apartment and realised too late I’d picked up a ladyboy. I was off my tits so thought fuck it played with her willy a bit and gave it a little suck and didn’t hate it tbh. Bit salty but otherwise fine. She did say I gave the worst BJ she had ever had though

PEDEYPABLO

My girlfriend asked me if I ever wank off to anyone else except her and I said of course not and even if I wanted to I couldn’t because no one else turns me on since I met her. Her face lit up and she said I was the sweetest boyfriend ever. LOL.

SNOW WHITE

I shagged a girl who was a borderline dwarf. I don’t know exactly how tall she was but not much over 4ft and I’m 6’2”. Took her up the arse and never called her again. Fast forward a few years and I’m taking my daughter to see Santa and guess who was one of his elves.

TOMGGHOST

I was on my lunch break when an old lady (well about 65) waved me over the road and asked if I could help pull her keys out of her car’s ignition because they were stuck. I pulled it out in one try. Then she said can I help start her car because it wasn’t starting. I said OK and tried to start her car but sure enough it was dead. I told her it’s not starting and she didn’t say anything, just kept staring at me with this weird mix of hope and desperation. It got weird and I didn’t know what else to do so I just said “sorry” and walked away.

SPACEINVADER

There’s a rumour my girlfriend got dp’d and I don’t know how to deal with it.

DICKFACE

When I tip the collection boxes at takeaways and bossman isn’t looking I always make sure it makes a noise so he hears it

#SAV

When I was about 12 my dad brought home one of those electric massage things that you strap to your abs and supposedly work them out for you as you go about your day. Anyway I used to strap the pads to my dick and had some really awkward wanking sessions with it.

GLIDERMAN18

My girlfriend has started telling people she had coronavirus in January because she lost her sense of taste and smell for 48 hours. I don’t ever remember her even mentioning to me this even though she insists I just can’t remember. Is she gaslighting me? And for what reason?

EMDEE

When i was about 9 I went to our local fishing pond to collect loads of frogs. I put them all in takeaway containers and put the lid on at night so they didn’t escape. Takeaway containers are pretty airtight so I woke up in the morning to over 20 suffocated dead frogs.

TACHE115

When I was 14 I confronted the school bully who had been picking on my sister. He grabbed me by the shirt and threw me so hard into the wall that my shoes went flying off. He got expelled after that so in a roundabout way I was still kinda the hero.

MORTIS

When I was 15 I got into a massive fight with my dad and he said something that made me square up to him. He took off his glasses and “go on, hit me! Hit me you little cunt!”. I didn’t hit him because I think he could have beaten me up back then. If he tried it now though 10 years later I reckon I could have him. Come at me dad!

BLUE PETER

I once came so hard during a blowjob that the girl coughed and shot jizz out of her nostrils.

TB303

I spend way too much time listening to music and visualising sports highlights of myself. Usually football but sometimes MMA and boxing. I haven’t played football in years and never had a fight in my life.

NOTABADGUY

When I was 16 I was at house party where this weirdo from our school had got drunk with us for the first time. He was completely out of it and somehow ended up shirtless on the floor while about 6 boys (including me) took our belts off and whipped him violently for about 20 seconds non stop. It was total carnage but at the time the funniest thing ever. He woke up with welts all over his body and we were legit worried he’d come into school and kill us the next week. He was cool about it in the end though.

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You are forgiven! See you next Friday.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).