Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #259

Admit what you did.

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Second year of uni me and my housemate got hammered and brought home two girls from a party and somehow got lucky. The next morning we were all hanging out and realised we both had more in common with the girl we didn’t shag. So we traded girls and ended up dating them for a year.


My old bathroom had a lightswitch that when you turned it on, it would always give you an electric shock. I was too lazy to get it fixed and instead rationalised it as a good way to give myself a little shock in the morning to wake up before work. Now sometimes when I turn on a random lightswitch I get a phantom shock throughout my body.


I lied to everyone yesterday and said that my barber caught covid so I should stay at home alone as a precaution. Smoked some weed, ordered KFC and watched the football all day long. Absolutely fantastic, peaceful day. I’m actually very glad i pulled that off.

flat strawberry

I want to harm slow, confused people who hold up the self checkout line. They’ve been around for like 20 years! It’s not that hard to figure out!


i got covid 3 weeks ago and it was way worse than i thought it was gonna be. body aches and absolutely no energy. at the time i wished i got vaccinated but now ive recovered i guess its no big deal? unless i get long covid in which case fml


One time as a cashier I saw this smackhead with a joint of lamb walk out without paying. I told myself that I don’t get paid enough to care so I just let him get away with it. OK he had a spider web neck tattoo and I was terrified of him.

young and healthyish

I regret getting vaccinated.



Sometimes when I think have to shit I go sit down on the toilet and end up just pissing instead and honestly it feels quite nice



When I was 16 I worked in a takeaway and one night got chatting to this hot slut who lived out of town, 12 miles away to be precise. I didn’t have a license at the time but I would pedal my bike for 12 miles there and back most days as we progressed from kissing and touching to BJ and fingering and sex. She was a smoker and had nasty breath but her body was amazing. Never forget those long bike rides listening to tunes on the way there


My girlfriend’s dad has a rose tattoo on his arm which I always found a bit weird as he doesn’t seem the type. The other day we had some drinks and he told me it actually covers up his previous tattoo which was a naked lady he got when he was a teen. If you look closely you can still see her tits through the ink. I feel we really bonded with that talk



Bumped into an old co-worker while drinking on the weekend. Started chatting and a couple hours later I was eating her pussy for about 30 minutes. Didn’t get laid though.



Whenever I make eye contact with the person in the car next to me I always look away first and feel like such a pussy



A lot of people have recently complimented me and asked how I lost so much weight. I don’t want to tell them the truth which is I swapped 6 beers a night to just smoking a bong, so I just tell them I stopped eating bread and pasta. Harmless lie right?


Sometimes I wank off to naked pictures a girl I was seeing sent me over Facebook 3 years ago, still the best shag I’ve ever had but the wanks are up there


I was drinking at a buddy’s house a few months ago, and in the middle of the night I got up to pee.( I was black out at this time) I started to piss in the corner of his room. When I realised what I was doing I stopped for a second and then said fuck it and finished pissing. He doesn’t know about it but he is wondering why his room smells like pee.


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See you next Friday!


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