Oh yes – Sick Chirpse is back and so is Confessions every Friday. Just note the Confessions box is broken so you’ll have to send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous and we apply the username you provide us.

Let’s go…

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concocolato

One time at uni I got absolutely obliterated on Snakebite being served at a house party. Ended up lying on the floor of a grimy hallway puking up red goop, wondering if I’d survive. Some girl had the good grace to help me out, get me some water, and track down my mates. I didn’t really see her because I was so smashed but I kept thanking her and telling her I wanted to take her on a date as a thank you. After spending the weekend recovering, I saw her on campus and unfortunately she looked like Steve Bruce. I still bought her lunch on campus but spent the next 3 years awkwardly smiling at her when passing each other on campus.

flutternutter

My girlfriend went through my Google drive and found photos of me with my ex. She started a huge fight because apparently I “smile better” in the photos with ex. This is a huge red flag, right?

[no name]

Let me start off by saying I am vaxxed. However I am pretending to be an anti vaxxer because I’ve been invited to a wedding where they’re making you a) take a Covid test and b) show proof of vaccination and I really do not want to go. I guess this pandemic is good for one thing at least!

charlieboy

Pulled a muscle in my back while doing doggy with the wife. Tried to power through it but had to throw in the towel and not finish. As my wife refuses to get on top that was the end of that. FML.

roguesmasher

Saw on Facebook a girl I grew up with and a few of her friends started a crowdfunder to go to South East Asia. I was so pissed off I sent the link to our local news station and they did a segment on people scamming each other. I’ve never felt more invigorated. What a rush!

immie

If i take off my socks and put them back on later, they have to be on the same foot as earlier otherwise it feels weird

amnezia247

My granddad fell asleep in my brand new £800 leather recliner chair and pissed all over it. I was so annoyed but tried not to show it, I think he realised I was pissed off with him though. It turns out he pissed himself because he had a tumour in his bladder and died 6 weeks later. 

lukeandjen

Recently bought my girlfriend a nice buttplug. After a shit ton of wine it ended up in both our arses. Great night!

daverunner101

At work there’s a girl who I’ve been crushing on for months, all I can think about is having sex with her. I’ve recently taken to literally staring at her while saying, mentally, “I want to fuck you” on the offchance she can read minds. Waiting for a response. Yeah I know, I need help. 

billit

I recently made the decision to not engage in any conversation about Covid or politics and my happiness has increased exponentially. Seriously, try it.

AlsCap

I used to live in a really rough part of High Wycombe and one night accidentally drove into a bum who was riding his bike and sent him flying. He was so cracked out he immediately got up jumped on his bike and rode off without even noticing me

bham4017

In year 8 I saw my aunt’s pussy. She was wearing a sundress at my brother’s graduation party and bent over to pick up her kid. I saw the whole thing.

Bogeyman

Was recently training at Work. I had a monster of a bogey in my nose but couldn’t subtly pick it so blew it out into my hand. It bounced out of my hand and landed right on the arm of the guy sat next to me, who was absolutely disgusted and went on a rampage. I now have the nickname bogey, and it’s going to stick forever

ineedhelp

I talk to myself on a regular basis. When I’m alone I start to think of cringy things I did in my life and will just start shouting random things to stop thinking about them. I probably need help but am terrified to go to the doctor and talk about it because of what they might say.

underwonder45

I’m dating this guy with a massive penis and basically I’ve had cystitis since being with him. Every day I go to work in pain and things got so bad that I ended up getting a full blown kidney infection the day I was meant to be going on holiday. I genuinely had to call my friend up and let her know that we weren’t going on holiday anymore because my boyfriend’s penis had destroyed me. It really does suck being a girl sometimes.

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[Reminder – the Confessions box is permanently broken, send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous!).

See you next Friday!