The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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tippycanoe

I took a female friend to a dentist’s appointment because she was getting doped up and wouldn’t be able to drive back. I couldn’t go in because of covid restrictions so I had to wait in the car for about an hour. Had to take a serious piss and was on the main road, so I used an empty bottle, except I missed for a sec and ended up pissing all over the inside of her car. Ran the air on full blast hoping it dried before she got out. Got away with it.

oneblueseat

My girlfriend has an OnlyFans but only makes about £350 a month. Bit shit really.

Joela

I got a haircut from a gay Portueguese man this week and I feel like he was being too sensual with the way he was massaging my hair like he was trying to turn me on or something. Not to marginalise sexual assault but I feel like it was a little bit

Wankaddict

I’ve been using my step dads towel as a cum rag ever since he cheated on my mum 1 year ago. He hasn’t noticed

Akchan123

An Instagram model I follow who I don’t know in real life recently starting posting pictures with her new boyfriend, it’s genuinely fucked me up

realeyes

One guy I work(ed) with is in charge of the music that gets played through our building via Bluetooth, as we all agreed he had the best taste in music. Anyway last week he goes to the toilet without realising his phone is still hooked up to Bluetooth, and starts watching porn. It was a proper hardcore interracial with the girl going “fuck me with that big black cock” (he’s black). Everyone heard it and it was the most equally funny and horrifying scene ever. The guy comes back in after a few minutes and has no idea what’s just happened, and our VP calls him into the office and fires him. Now I’m in charge of the music 🙂

mylilstonie

I chatted up a 4/10 the other night because she was eating pizza in the street. Managed to get a slice.

goldandblue

It temporarily kills my confidence every time I walk past a female and she doesn’t look at me

somedude

The girl I lost my virginity to in college is now a full on lesbian. I’m talking spiky hair, tattoos everywhere, dating this butch other lesbian. Hadn’t seen her for years and she sent me a friend request on FB and it’s like I’m looking at a totally different person. Sad to think I was so shit that she decided to give up on men altogether (I haven’t got much better since)

danimal

My girlfriend went through months and months of texts on my phone while was sleeping. Nothing suspect in there but she still told me off for my ‘disgusting guy talk’. Fuck you!!!

dickface

When I tip the collection boxes at takeaways and bossman isn’t looking I always make sure it makes a noise so he hears it

sunsoo

Went on a Tinder date with this oh so fit guy and about 15 mins into the date we get our drinks served to table. As we cheers my brain went blank and I said “nice to meet you” even though we had met 20mins earlier. He ignored it but his brows fully furrowed. Cringe.

Drenz889

I went to a Japanese restaurant with my family and was very disappointed to find the chefs were all white. I didn’t enjoy my meal as much because of this knowledge. Anyone else?

continuummaan

Tonight I’m going to go out, get drunk, get blanked by girls way out of my league then go home alone like every weekend. Chin up eh

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[Note – the Confessions box is permanently broken, send your confessions in at [email protected] or at the Facebook page – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous!).

See you next Friday!