Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #243

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.


I was at Maccy D’s the other day and one of the employees said to this black girl with an afro ‘Oh I like your hair, how long does it take to do it?’ The black girl went nuts at him about how it’s not appropriate to ask minorities those questions, especially black females. The fucked up thing is the worker was a gay Eastern European dude, probably the biggest minority in the room. Pissed me off and wish I’d spoken up for him.


The first time I ever wanked I got scared and thought I was going to pee

Wild one

I was so drunk once that I started on a girl that wouldn’t give me her number in the club. She was terrified and went to get a bouncer so I quickly disappeared to the next floor. I wish I knew what came over me but fully appreciate that I am a scumbag.


My girlfriend wasn’t in the mood so I paid her £20 for a blowjob and she graciously accepted


I wet the bed after a one night stand at uni but left in the morning before he woke up. Spent the next 2 years panicking avoiding him on campus and around town.


I only watch porn with girls that I believe I would have a chance with in real life i.e. ugly girls


I got hideously drunk with my best mate and her boyfriend and we ended up playing strip spin the bottle. Me and him dipped our cocks in her flatmate’s milk because they were an asshole, she danced on the kitchen table completely naked and we all shared a heated three way kiss. I had a steady girlfriend at the time, never told her a word of it and never felt in the slightest bit guilty. Still don’t to this day.

[name withheld]

I found out the kid I used to bully in school became a police officer in our area so I immediately friended him on Facebook to make sure we’re cool. He was a bit weirded out but don’t think he holds a grudge


My friends all chipped in to get me a hooker for my 17th as I was the only virgin left in the group. They were all in the front room as I was supposedly losing my virginity in the bedroom. The truth is we spent the whole time talking because I was so nervous that I couldn’t get properly hard. I obviously told my friends I banged her though

Yes Roundtree

I was on a team building trip with work when my boss’s phone died and I stupidly said she could use mine to look up closing times. I’m 99% sure from the look on her face that she saw something dodgy in my search history.

Judge Dredgd

I’m 23 and still wear shorts under my tracksuit because I’m terrified my friends will pull my trousers down in public the way they used to at school.


I was drinking at a buddy’s house a few months ago, and in the middle of the night I got up to pee.( I was black out at this time) I started to piss in the corner of his room. When I realised what I was doing I stopped for a second and then said fuck it and finished pissing. He doesn’t know about it but he is wondering why his room smells like pee.


When I was 15 some chav muttered ‘pussy’ole’ as he walked past me and I was too much of a pussy to respond. Still hurts 12 years later.


My boyfriend has a t shirt he wears which i absolutely hate (there’s a bikini girl print on the front ffs). One day instigating sex i did that boy a favour and ripped it off him so that he had to throw it away. I am a genius.


Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!


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