The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
The best part of my day is taking a massive shit in this hidden bathroom I found on an empty floor in my office building. I take my time, read my phone, sometimes have a wank, etc. Afterwards I feel refreshed and ready to face the rest of my day. I feel a bit guilty not telling my colleagues about his hidden paradise, but if other people start using it, it’s specialness will be ruined for good.
I’ve put on a solid 15kg since covid started. At first I thought it would be easy to lose once the gyms opened. Now I’m not so sure.
I’m a teacher, early primary. This week a kid took a shit on the floor in the toilets and the smell was so bad as my class walked past my autistic kid threw up on another teacher. I told his mum and she said yeah, he has a sensitive gag reflex.
I wish my girlfriend had fitter friends so I wouldn’t have to avoid the question of why they’re always single and why I don’t introduce them to my friends. And so I could jerk off to them.
I used to have this red hand towel that I used to clean up with after having a wank. I hid it in the bottom drawer of my desk. It was covered in cum stains. One day I came home to discover it had been washed by my mum and neatly folded on my bed. We never spoke about it.
I once weed in a glass and gave it to my babysitter, told her it was cider. I don’t know if she drank it.
My mates got into a fight with this group of pricks in a nightclub once and I was so scared of getting battered (never hit anyone in me life) that I hid from the action until it was over. Once it all died down and we regrouped I had to pretend like I was panting from exerting so much energy and was inspecting my knuckles like I’d just caused some serious damage.
I feel like my boyfriend of 5 years is friend zoning me, he high fived me the other day after I gave him a blowjob….. What the fuck it that!!
Not my story but the masseuse/handjob girl I go to sometimes told me that some guy pays her to wank him off and then he drinks his own jizz from her hands. Disgusting.
An Albanian kid stole my girlfriend and now I’m genuinely racist towards all Albanians
im 35 and have no idea what im doing in life, i live alone and have no friends. shit job and always skint. is there a reason to carry on this pointless process?
I get so confused when people refer to time periods like the 18th century or like the 20th century. Just say “1800s” or “1900s” for fucks sake
My GP refused to refer me to a therapist because the only reason I want to see one is to help me get over my fear of having anal sex. The truth is I feel like there’s something wrong with me though cos all my mates eat and have sex with their girlfriend’s buttholes. He said I should consult a hypnotist if it was that important to me.
The green man
I often take dumps that are bigger than my dick
My doctor says I have to stop drinking alcohol because of some new medication I’m on for my bipolar. I’m 30 and work in a bar.
Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.
See you next Friday!