CONFESSIONS

Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #210

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

rydillon

Ex-girlfriend put her name brand purse down next to a fountain so she could go and buy ice cream when we were shopping. Shockingly it was gone when she came back 5 minutes later. As the boyfriend, I had to console her and pretend it was not her fault at all. Birds man.

hoop

Making love to air

When my girlfriend tells me to go deeper, it feels like I’m fucking a large hoop earring. I feel nothing.

bedgone

puree445

Woke up in my own bed after a heavy night to find a hot, but fully-clothed girl curled up sleeping next to me. I had no idea who she was. I got up and went to take a major piss and when I came back she was gone. I never even saw her again. When I asked my friends later they all said they couldn’t remember me meeting/talking to a girl that night. Weird.

frogs

EmDee

When i was about 9 I went to our local fishing pond to collect loads of frogs. I put them all in takeaway containers and put the lid on at night so they didn’t escape. Takeaway containers are pretty airtight so I woke up in the morning to over 20 suffocated dead frogs.

tesco

EukodolLee

After I came I couldn’t find anything to clean up so I used an old receipt

gy

Saila

Whenever I go to the shop just to buy loads of unnecessary snacks I always go dressed in my gym kit so the shop assistant wont judge me for it

china

chun_li

I took the virginity of the Chinese international student that lived next door to me at uni. She barely spoke English and didn’t seem to particularly enjoy herself. She definitely didn’t cum anyway, not that I gave her much reason to

dream

Tb303

I spend way too much time listening to music and visualising sports highlights of myself. Usually football but sometimes MMA and boxing. I haven’t played football in years and never had a fight in my life.

dildo

Anonymous

I was sitting in at my in law’s house on a day off for some workmen. Some of the work was taking place in my sister in law’s room and I had to move the bedside unit. As I was replacing the unit once the workmen had gone I came across my sister in law’s extensive collection of massive dildos. I have not been able to stop thinking about it since.

seed

imdisgusting

I was eating my girlfriend’s asshole when I felt something like a little seed enter my mouth. I just ate it and kept on going

sad

Sadman

I’m going through a pretty nasty break up at the moment.

I spent 2 and a half days drinking bagged wine, shouting along to music and watching the news on repeat.

ball

PlaneWanker

Had a wank on a plane over the sex scene in Monster’s Ball (it was a night flight). I was in the middle seat too. Not told anyone about that since it happened about 15 years ago!

addict

Turkishdelight

As a teenage girl I used to masturbate on average 8 times a day. Now I’m 25 and I’ve worked really hard to drop it down to 3.

jess

cartoonboners

When I was about 7 I was, I think, genuinely in love with Jessica Rabbit. I started crying when my dad told me that she wasn’t real

brownies

asleepyplatypus

I bought a box of weed brownies from some rasta dude in Camden, me and my boys ate them all over the course of the day and had zero effect. Scammed us good and proper. Now I can’t shake the idea that he jizzed in them or something.

Feet and rubber duck

yellowgary

I used to think it was gross to piss in the shower. I would get out of the shower if it was that bad and go to the toilet. Well a few weeks ago I needed to piss so badly that I just let it go in the shower. Ever since then I have to piss in the shower EVERY time and now just do it.

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!

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