CONFESSIONS

Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #210

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

rydillon

Ex-girlfriend put her name brand purse down next to a fountain so she could go and buy ice cream when we were shopping. Shockingly it was gone when she came back 5 minutes later. As the boyfriend, I had to console her and pretend it was not her fault at all. Birds man.

hoop

Making love to air

When my girlfriend tells me to go deeper, it feels like I’m fucking a large hoop earring. I feel nothing.

 

 

tesco

EukodolLee

After I came I couldn’t find anything to clean up so I used an old receipt

gy

Saila

Whenever I go to the shop just to buy loads of unnecessary snacks I always go dressed in my gym kit so the shop assistant wont judge me for it

dildo

Anonymous

I was sitting in at my in law’s house on a day off for some workmen. Some of the work was taking place in my sister in law’s room and I had to move the bedside unit. As I was replacing the unit once the workmen had gone I came across my sister in law’s extensive collection of massive dildos. I have not been able to stop thinking about it since.

 

sad

Sadman

I’m going through a pretty nasty break up at the moment.

I spent 2 and a half days drinking bagged wine, shouting along to music and watching the news on repeat.

ball

PlaneWanker

Had a wank on a plane over the sex scene in Monster’s Ball (it was a night flight). I was in the middle seat too. Not told anyone about that since it happened about 15 years ago!

addict

Turkishdelight

As a teenage girl I used to masturbate on average 8 times a day. Now I’m 25 and I’ve worked really hard to drop it down to 3.

jess

cartoonboners

When I was about 7 I was, I think, genuinely in love with Jessica Rabbit. I started crying when my dad told me that she wasn’t real

brownies

asleepyplatypus

I bought a box of weed brownies from some rasta dude in Camden, me and my boys ate them all over the course of the day and had zero effect. Scammed us good and proper. Now I can’t shake the idea that he jizzed in them or something.

Feet and rubber duck

yellowgary

I used to think it was gross to piss in the shower. I would get out of the shower if it was that bad and go to the toilet. Well a few weeks ago I needed to piss so badly that I just let it go in the shower. Ever since then I have to piss in the shower EVERY time and now just do it.

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!

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