Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #203

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.



One time in school when I was 13 I was day dreaming about the girl I fancied during RE. All of a sudden I hear a voice (my teacher) say “I want you all to imagine what heaven feels like, and give me one word to describe it”. In my trance-like state I blurted out “Annabelle” (name of the girl I was daydreaming about). Room full of 13 year olds all turned and laughed at me, and took the piss for years. Still makes me cringe.


A Level results not great? I got CCEE. I got in on clearing and now work in banking.



Met a Camgirl in a porn site chat room, paid her £20 and watched the show, only lasted maybe 10 minutes. Afterward as she was basically trawling for work we chatted for about 3 hours, she lived in NYC and we discussed every aspect of our lives, and at the time I thought we connected (we definitely didn’t) but she was genuinely cool as fuck and seemed interested in what I had to say.

At the end of 3 hours of meaningful chat got her to do another show telling her I’d sent another £20, she did, I didn’t. Blocked her so she’d never contact me again. Genuinely wonder whether I pied the girls of my dreams for a cheap wank…


I only say “I love you” to my girlfriend if she says it first.



For years I never shampooed my arse hair because I thought shampoo promoted the growth of arse hair. No idea where I got that from but I was sure it was true

10 pints

I used FaceApp to turn myself into a girl. When I sent the photo to my mates they said they wouldn’t shag me and this actually made he a bit upset


I was completely exposed in front of my girlfriend the other week when we broke down with a flat tyre. I had absolutely no idea how to deal with it and now feel considerably less manly after having the AA come down and basically save us. Pretty sure she fancied one of the AA guys too.


I disgust myself with the things I type into the PornHub search engine but then feel pretty good when I find exactly what I’m looking for

Rumour mill

When I was 10 I told some kids that one of the mums, who was the PTA treasurer had nicked a few hundred quid in school funds. This was a lie. Anyway it got around and my parents got a letter from a solicitor accusing them of libel and threatening all sorts of shit.



I’m lactose intolerant but sometimes I’ll eat a fuck tonne of ice cream just so I can let rip and smell my own farts all day


I’m marrying the girl that me and my mate double teamed 10 years ago. Really wish that never happened



I once kicked the shit out of a girl when I was 14. I actually quite liked her but she kept bullying me in that way hot girls do about my acne, and so one day I snapped and threw a basketball with some force into her face. As she was stunned I took a run up and fly-kicked her hard in the chest. She went flying into this gym frame and everyone gasped in horror. Needless to say I was expelled, sent to counselling, the lot. I do regret it but at the same time I’m not mad at my 14 year old self for doing it.


My first forays into wanking involved printing pictures I found on google, jizzing on them in the shower, disintegrating them with water, and then washing the whole sorry mess down the drain.

Peddle yo wares elseware

I used to love sick chirpse before it became the most advert infested website on the planet and beyond painful to navigate. Sort it out please.


When we were in year 8 this girl pissed us off and I said to my friend ‘we should piss in her desk or something as joke’, she took it seriously even though I was joking, got a cup and pissed into it and proceeded to pour it over this girls books. Later we had to clean our desks out and this girl tells our teacher something weirds in her desk so we told her it was apple juice. So she licked her calculator clean. No regrets whatsoever, gotta love all girls schools



Last night I heard my girlfriend take a really rank shit. It was horrible, and no matter how hard I try I just can not un-hear it



I like to start snapchat stories of people I don’t like and not finish them. Hopefully it hurts their feelings


Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!


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