CONFESSIONS

Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #199

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Money

Laundromat

I often sit and fantasise about finding a wad of drug money in the street. Not a crazy amount.. £100,000, £250,000 or something then I make elaborate plans about how I’d hide, launder and spend the money without anybody finding out. Gold coins, investments, bank accounts etc. I can legit spend hours at a time doing this. I’ve even written down the plans. Thing is I work in the compliance department of a bank and my job is to prevent money laundering. I spend about 50% of my time fantasising about how I’d do it myself.

Night

I repeat things that I hear on the Joe Rogan podcast and everyone thinks I’m really smart and well read but the truth is I’m just parroting the stuff his guests say.

bonzai

I sometimes wonder whether in the last 10 years I have shitted more than I’ve wanked. I bet it’s really close.

themerph

My dick is pathetic

AliA1

When someone walks into the work toilets and I’m about to wipe I get extremely self conscious about being a standing wiper and resort to a seated wipe. I feel like I’m not being true to myself.

fcberedinho

I’m a few years into the real world and live with 3 good uni mates. We are all in healthy relationships except one of us. His girlfriend is a cold bitch who none of the other gfs like and who we avoid like the plague. Anyway we were all out at a bar. I got stuck in a 3 way convo with cold bitch and another mate. We were all drunk and she yet again said something awful. As she turned around to get her bf’s attention I whispered to my mate “dumb bitch”. Turns out I didn’t whisper it quietly enough and she turns around in a rage and starts going nuts at me. Half the bar watched her rip me over what a misogynist I am. I took the abuse and then she left. It’s now awkward in the house with her bf, but at least we haven’t seen her since!

it creep

Turn lazy loading off on your dope shots page. Makes it really hard to scroll through for the soft porn

cass w

I thought I was having a heart attack this morning. I’m 26. Pretty scary, not gonna lie. The other day I was also convinced I had ball cancer. So… yeah life’s going well.

kingkobra90

I have no idea what face to make during sex when the girl is on top of me. They look down at you all sexy like and I just don’t know how to look like I’m anything other than amazed a girl would want to bang me

[no name]

I’ve ruined 2 potentially long term relationships by waking up too often in their bed drenched in my own piss

jak loomis

At uni once I was drunk and a girl I met that day walked me back to my accomodation, followed me into my room, wanted sex, I had no clue what was going on, and all I remember is clips of me banging her with a semi and putting in a pathetic performance. When I woke up she was getting dressed to leave and started saying how my dick was too small #metoo

Derex

I turned down a decent job opportunity and more pay because they test for drugs. I’m not ready to leave that life behind yet.

dash

I waft my farts into my own face.

donniev

Tried to bang the MILF across the street when she separated from her husband. I was only 17 at the time and she used to flirt back with me and said when I turn 18. She moved back to Ireland before I turned 18. Still hurts.

123four

I really think that one day I’m going to spend all my money then kill myself.

kro-yo

I really want Villa to get relegated this season to the point i am obsessing over it and I even look at who the other struggling teams have left to play and know who needs what to keep Villa in the bottom 3. I dont even like football

bethshep

I once gave my boyfriend such an amazing blowjob that he pulled his calf muscle while cumming. He was limping for 2 days afterwards. Pretty proud of that one 🙂

loveutam

Me and the gf of 6 years broke up last year.. I still have a library full of nudes and videos… how long is too long to hold onto them?

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!

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