The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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Mandy

I took mdma for the first time in years last night and it was amazing. This comedown is absolutely ridiculous though, I totally remember why I stopped doing it.

averagejoe

My new girlfriend keeps saying I have the perfect sized dick and I know shes lying. I’m insulted that she thinks I’m naive enough to believe it

Ljm346

When I was at uni I hooked up with this girl who’s probably the hottest girl I’ve ever been with. I don’t know how my lines were working so well but I was at peak confidence. We have some drinks then on the way home we walk past her apparently ex boyfriend and his friends and she tries to make him jealous by kissing me in front of him. He just walked past and said “have fun mate” and winked at me. Get to hers, have drunk sex, nothing special. About three weeks later I got to the doctor because I’ve bumps on my dick. Herpes and chlamydia. I learnt my lesson, but fuck her and fuck him for not saying something

PlaneWanker

Had a wank on a plane over the sex scene in Monster’s Ball (it was a night flight). I was in the middle seat too. Not told anyone about that since it happened about 15 years ago!

yellowgary

I used to think it was gross to piss in the shower. I would get out of the shower if it was that bad and go to the toilet. Well a few weeks ago I needed to piss so badly that I just let it go in the shower. Ever since then I have to piss in the shower EVERY time and now just do it.

sunsoo

Went on a Tinder date with this oh so fit guy and about 15 mins into the date we get our drinks served to table. As we cheers my brain went blank and I said “nice to meet you” even though we had met 20mins earlier. He ignored it but his brows fully furrowed. Cringe.

mudjacuzzi

I’m pretty sure I’ve been clinically depressed for the last 5 years. I’m just too lazy and broke (and depressed) to do anything about

regained virginity

The girl i have wanted to be in a loving relationship with since year 8 is sleeping on the couch opposite me (as i type this) after telling me things could of been different if i had’nt played it the way i had……….please publish this on your confessions as my last words on this planet

Daryll

I really miss having sex with 18 year olds. Don’t waste your youth kids.

jamapple

I honestly believe that reading timw bwap’s or whatever his name is articles is making me dumber.
Its like he is losing all ability to string along a sentence and even when it is half legible, his spelling and/or grammar and punctuation gets in the way like the fucking ads that now cover my entire screen.
This used to be a decent website and now it is a joke.
Fuck Timw and fuck you sickchirpse.

bigsil

I really dislike my next door neighbour. If I see him outside through the window I wait until he’s gone before leaving the house, or if I’m pulling into the dive I’ll stay in my car and pretend I’m on the phone until he’s gone. The guy is too nosey and over-friendly.

Sticky thumbs

I sometimes play on psn with a quiet girl that I work with who I don’t usually talk to. We were into a game late one night and I got a horn on so decided to pump out a silent danger wank to her casual gamer talk, whilst playing it cool on the mic. And we won

Gonnafindout

I flunked out of uni two years ago and everyone still thinks I’m going into my final year next year (including my uni mates who I still live with)

5ft3gguy

There’s this guy I work with who abbreviates everything, even really short phrases. For example thank you becomes TYVM. It really fucks me off like really how time do you save? You must be so busy. Fuck you

lb

I’m religiously uptown date on all reader confessions… Yes I mean every single one…
Am I pathetic, am I a loyal fan or am I looking for validation through reading other peoples wildness

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!