The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
Being essential staff isn’t that bad when you’re the only male at work and all your co workers are well within shaggable range.
I’m more concerned about whether the Premier League is coming back in 2020 than how many people die from coronavirus. Call me a psychopath but it’s true.
I’m hoping once this is over there will be tons of horny sex starved girls everywhere and I can get laid by something better than the usual 3s or 4s I usually get…
I am using a roll of toilet paper every day
Been working from home. Wife, kid, and dog hassling me all day. No opportunity to wank. So I told my wife I had to go into the office for a long zoom meeting with a client. Went straight into the work toilet and had the best wank I’ve had in years. Felt amazing afterwards. A man just needs 10 minutes with his penis and his phone to stay sane in these times.
I’ve been betting half my salary on Ukrainian table tennis
Last night after a marathon gaming sesh I considered waking up my GF for sex. Instead I silently wanked off into a tissue as she slept. That’s what you call a considerate boyfriend.
I live in permanent dread of my boss realising that I do as much work when I “work from home” as I do when I’m “visiting clients”.
I like Joe Exotic’s music
I think the girl I matched with on Tinder Passport might be the one, but there’s no telling when I’ll be able to meet her. She lives in Venezuela.
I’m really fucked off with China for eating bats and their handling of coronavirus but at the same time they did invent chinese food so it seems like a fair trade for what we’re going through.
I wish my girlfriend enjoyed doing cowgirl rather than acting like she’s doing me a favour each time
I turn 23 this weekend and I’m supposed to be celebrating in Barcelona but instead I’m stuck indoors and it’ll be pissing down and I have to do the virtual happy hour my coworkers arranged to celebrate instead. FML.
I scatch my balls as a measuring stick for when I should shower
My girlfriend, her mum and my sister and all nurses working on COVID floors. I am seriously stressed out and losing my mind worrying about their well being.
Got fired from my essential job as a result of being a stupid drunk. This week has really been a sobering look in the mirror.
Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.
See you next Friday!