Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #184

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

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Johnnyslider

A work mate invited me to the Peak District to go hiking with him and his dog, which I thought was a little odd because we’ve never really hung out before. Regardless I went but couldn’t shake the feeling that he had a plan to kill me out in the woods. I had a pocketknife in my pocket which I was ready to use the whole time. Turns out I was being paranoid — lovely guy just a bit quiet.

Peach

I make coffee at home before work and put it in an old Starbucks cup so people won’t think I’m poor.

extreme introvert

I’m such a hermit that if there was nothing about coronavirus on the news and internet I would barely notice its impact on the world around me.

Silverjew

I was on the train when I noticed someone get off while leaving his Russel & Bromley shopping bag beside his seat. Instead of notifying him I waited till he was gone and the doors had closed and bagged myself a new pair of pricey shoes. Score!

Feistycrab

Sometimes I won’t like my friends pictures on Facebook/Instagram because I’m jealous of how many likes they have.

Lloyd

Me and my girlfriend thought it would be funny to put a crunchy up her vagina, until it snapped. I had to enlist the help of my sister to hold open her vagina whilst i spent 20 minutes trying to get it out. She is no longer my girlfriend.

Naked Girl

I thought swordfish were fictional creatures until last week.

trussel

I’d been really depressed since the new year and was thinking about killing myself. Then coronavirus happened and it has given me a new lease on life. I want to stick around and see what happens. Sometimes it feels like such a surreal reality that I wonder if I already did kill myself and am living in an alternate reality. If you think I’m crazy don’t post my confession.

Nakedsafer

I wipe my arse standing up after taking a shit and had no idea this was odd until my friends told me

cyrso

I used to think that fax machines sent your piece of paper through millions of underground pipes and tubes before reaching their destination.

Blue7ring

I told a wicked lie at 16 that I got pregnant and had a miscarriage and everyone was really supportive. Nearly 6 years later I still can’t bring myself to tell them I made it all up, and I really have no idea why I did in the first place.