The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
A work mate invited me to the Peak District to go hiking with him and his dog, which I thought was a little odd because we’ve never really hung out before. Regardless I went but couldn’t shake the feeling that he had a plan to kill me out in the woods. I had a pocketknife in my pocket which I was ready to use the whole time. Turns out I was being paranoid — lovely guy just a bit quiet.
I make coffee at home before work and put it in an old Starbucks cup so people won’t think I’m poor.
I’m such a hermit that if there was nothing about coronavirus on the news and internet I would barely notice its impact on the world around me.
I was on the train when I noticed someone get off while leaving his Russel & Bromley shopping bag beside his seat. Instead of notifying him I waited till he was gone and the doors had closed and bagged myself a new pair of pricey shoes. Score!
Sometimes I won’t like my friends pictures on Facebook/Instagram because I’m jealous of how many likes they have.
Me and my girlfriend thought it would be funny to put a crunchy up her vagina, until it snapped. I had to enlist the help of my sister to hold open her vagina whilst i spent 20 minutes trying to get it out. She is no longer my girlfriend.
I thought swordfish were fictional creatures until last week.
I was once so gurned I took a piss into a crowd of girls.
I’d been really depressed since the new year and was thinking about killing myself. Then coronavirus happened and it has given me a new lease on life. I want to stick around and see what happens. Sometimes it feels like such a surreal reality that I wonder if I already did kill myself and am living in an alternate reality. If you think I’m crazy don’t post my confession.
I wipe my arse standing up after taking a shit and had no idea this was odd until my friends told me
I recently discovered the wonders of having my girlfriend tongue my arsehole and it’s been a complete game changer as far as my sex life goes. Trust me boys — you want to give it a try.
I used to think that fax machines sent your piece of paper through millions of underground pipes and tubes before reaching their destination.
I told a wicked lie at 16 that I got pregnant and had a miscarriage and everyone was really supportive. Nearly 6 years later I still can’t bring myself to tell them I made it all up, and I really have no idea why I did in the first place.
My girlfirend broke up with me after 9 years and she was well out my league im worried ill never have sex again the worlds a different place now
I can’t watch black girl porn unless there’s a white dude boning them.
I’m always making excuses about to avoid seeing friends and family so this coronavirus is alright by me.
One of my first times clubbing I saw some kids doing coke in the toilets and went and told the bouncers, then watched as they got thrown out of the venue aggressively. God I was such a little pussy — sorry lads if you’re reading.
Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.
See you next Friday!