The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
i see you
If somebody is heavily angled away from people at the urinal I automatically assume they are hiding their little dick
I had my first threesome last week. The girl was really hot, but the guy was a bit weird. There was no bi stuff, but it was weird trying to fuck her with him there. Dude kept messing up my rhythm. She hit me up and wants to do it again, but I think i’ll just stick to wanking until I get a single chick.
my pity party
I’m going to wank and drink alone all weekend instead of trying to be social and meet people.
Super busy day at work this week, little time for lunch. Ended up eating lunch while sitting on the toilet taking a shit. Odd feeling, but not too bad of a way to multitask. Would recommend if short on time.
I’ve never watched a Jackie Chan film
I still live with my brother because if I left him with his gf and her neglected dog, I think my brother and the dog would kill themselves
Got home from work last night, cleaned up, hit my local club and groped a few women. Walked up to this girl and just started kissing her. They all loved it! Not being funny but being good looking is the greatest asset and privilege of them all.
Found out some girl from school is a porn star now… pretty sweet. Carly Rae Summers is her porn name for research purposes.
I hate my gf. But I also hated my ex gf even worse and kind of regretted breaking up. So I stay with her for fear of regret.
I work for a breakdown company and sometimes jack off in the van on my lunch breaks
I’m pretty afraid of spiders, not to the point where I run away if I see one but they’re basically everywhere and the creepy crawly little bastards just make me uncomfortable. Just moved into my own place about four months ago and I’ve had an influx of them recently, one of which I saw crawling on the wall above my bed via the light reflecting off my phone. When I tried to grab it, it fell off the wall and crawled under my bed which then forced me to flip the mattress and frame while trying to find it at midnight on a Tuesday. I didn’t find it, had probably the worst five hours of sleep in my entire life and was a complete waste of space the next day. I still think the little bastard is hiding somewhere, plotting my downfall. Hate spiders, HATE them.
I’m “friends” with more porn stars on snapchat than people I actually know.
Got Internet shamed for sending a girl a “sup” on social media. Apparently I’m an example of toxic masculinity.
1994 space odyssey
When people walk absurdly slow in front of me, I purposely walk in front of them to fart. I proceed to slow my pace down, in order to match theirs, so the fart lingers in their general proximity with max stinkage
I work for a luxury fashion retailer and as a result we get a LOT of Chinese customers. Since the Coronavirus outbreak my individual sales have dropped because I spend more of my day trying to avoid Chinese customers than doing anything else.
I thought you spelt hamster, hampster before Internet porn.
Been in a dry spell for 4 months now. Brought home some girl from the bar, nothing special solid 6 little chubby, a streak breaker. We get back to her place, start kissing. I go down on her to warm her up a bit, after 20 minutes she starts shaking and cumming. Cool, now we’re good to go, right? WRONG! She falls asleep almost immediately after and leaves me with blue balls. The streak is still alive.
Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.
See you next Friday!