CONFESSIONS

Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #178

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

jzitser

My dick is pretty small, 4 inches hard. A couple of times I’ve had sex with girls and I’ve already started pumping away when I see them peek down into the groin area, presumably checking to see if I’d put it in yet. Nice girls tho didn’t say anything just let me get on with it. Anyway, both had big bucket pussies. That’s what I tell myself anyway.

still a coward

When I was 8 the school bully started on me on the school bus and I literally pissed my pants out of fear

PooView

Sometimes when I take a shit – actually almost every time I take a shit – I turn the light on on my phone after the first bit breaks off into the water, stick the light between my legs and position my head so I can get a good look at what I’ve produced.

Girl

Wallahbingbong

Whenever a girl is friendly with me I assume she wants to have sex with me no matter how many times I’ve been proven wrong about it in the past

PissySchoolBoy

Went on a school trip to Poland when i was 15, obligatory trip to Auschwitz included. Got caught short needing a piss and couldn’t find the toilet. Ducked under a roper in a building ran down the stairs and pissed into a bottle and spilt most on the floor. Not my proudest moment

shitsandwich

once when i was sewing up a hole in my jeans i swallowed a length of cotton. a few days later i took a shit and the turd ended up hanging out of my asshole swinging like a pendulum.

mouthrape

I was mouth raped by my best mate when I was a teen. Basically I was taking a shit at his house when he and his brother burst in. His brother put me in a head lock while my mate stabbed me repeatedly in the mouth with his cock. It lasted about 15 seconds before they ran out laughing like schoolboys (which they were). We’re still mates but I now always shit with the door locked.

Pro(ish) Gamer

I work from home everyday. I’m supposed to work 40 hours a week but I do about 5 hours and the rest i spend playing Call of Duty. Does this make me a pro gamer..? I think so!

julz

I had a drunken threesome with 2 boys at uni and I vaguely remember them filming it. The idea that this video is online somewhere has haunted me ever since.

Confess

BoringJay

I have been thinking so hard all day to come up with something to submit as a confession but it just made me realise how fucking boring I am.

helicockpter

Watched that video of the Newcastle United fan doing the helicopter with his dick. Reminded me when I used to play with my uni’s basketball team in France, after every win we would do the exact same thing in the locker room. Just whip out our cocks and spin them around like helicopters while making a ton of noise. Good times. 

suppressed memories

I think I was molested by my uncle when I was 5. Not sure though.

party

Bad Hobbit

The other week at my student digs I drank a bottle of Famous Grouse and snorted a bunch of coke and went completely mental. By the end of the night I’d broken a glass table, smashed the TV, threw a chair at my friend and cut his leg open, and stuck several kitchen knives into the roof of our living room. Apparently after all that I invited a girl round but was so wasted when she showed up that she left within 2 minutes. I then had a breakdown over what a fool I’d made of myself and the night ended with me in tears and my mate tucking me into bed.

Swing

jungleblazer

It’s been so long since I had sex that I can remember some of my childhood memories more clearly than what a pussy feels like

el fro

Back in school I stole a girl’s bra from her gym bag, took it home, then wrapped it round my dick while I had a wank. Also wore it around my head and wanked.

girl boy

Bambi

A few summers ago, my (ex) boyfriend was staying in my house for a few weeks while he was on holiday and we had a pretty big argument. I basically banished him to a different room of the house so I could cool off and invited over another friend of mine who I hadn’t seen in a while to “watch a movie”. My boyfriend still wasn’t in the mood to speak to me so I took my friend into my room and started fooling around. We ended up having sex multiple times with my boyfriend right next door.

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!

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