The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

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Definitely not a Tory

The amount of girls I’ve slept with who’s bio says ‘never kissed a Tory’ is jokes

Nobody Knows

My Girlfriend is away for the weekend and all my friends are busy. Just ordered a gram to take by myself, literally can’t contain my excitement. Been telling everyone I’m just going to have a beer and watch a movie.

titsmcgeee

Last weekend I got smashed at my mate’s house party and accidentally pissed all over his magazine rack next to the toilet because my aim was so off. Oh well, hope it dried before anyone noticed

hornydrope

There’s a girl who lives down the corridor from me at uni who has Aspergers and Bipolar and the other night I got a rare chance to talk to her during a fire alarm. She was drunk and strongly hinting at sex and talking about how casual she is about sex but I just didn’t go through with it. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about and let’s just say the next time that opportunity presents itself I’m going to fuck the absolute shit out of her just like she wants

puffball

Was using the shower straight after my girlfriend once and noticed a little Malteser sized spec of poo on the drain.. Didn’t freak me out as much as it should have

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Submit your anonymous confession(s) for next week HERE!

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.