The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:

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Gurpz

I have read Sick Chirpse almost every day for the last 2 years. Not sure what that says about me.

[No alias]

This weekend I had my first one night stand – it was fucking awful. He managed to get hard but that was about it, he didn’t know where to put his penis and would continually take off the condoms, throw them at me and still try and have sex with me. He then left my room, flashed my flatmate, came back and demanded a massage then fell asleep in my bed so I couldn’t kick him out.

What a waste of condoms.

Manguh

I pulled a bird at a bar, we ended up going back to hers and banging. Her gaff was pretty close to town so after we finished up I got dressed and bailed back to another bar, I ended up bumping into my ex bird and going back to hers. Long story short my ex bird sucked another lasses disco minge off my dick.

Wyndy Dryden

Last night me and my girlfriend got stupidly baked and watched a full length Backstreet Boys concert on YouTube. It was immense!

3 o clock

I take screenshots of girls on Tinder who I know won’t swipe right for me

durkhedcity

I hate my job and all of the people who work in the office – I legit don’t even muster a hi or bye, I take a 2 hour lunch and spend a further 2 hours watching Netflix on my phone – pretty savage tbf

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Submit your anonymous confession(s) for next week HERE

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.