The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
Here are the best from this week:
There was a golf course in the field behind my house where I grew up. Sometimes me and my buddies would go out there and get drunk and shit inside the holes.
Should I fuck a GILF? Small, blonde estate agent I work with. Funny old minx probably 35-40 years older than me. She has a twinkle in her eye like she wants to fuck but I’m scared of what she might look like naked and by then it will be too late. Might let her give me a blow job instead.
When I was 14, I used to heat up vaseline in the microwave, stick it inside a plastic bag and then wank with it. In a way I think I invented the fleshlight.
That Greta Thunberg girl really pisses me off. All for fighting climate change and being environmentally conscious but they couldn’t have chosen a cringier person to be the “face” of the movement. Send her back to school.
The other night I was giving my wife the ol ‘two in he pink, one in the stink’ action,and I’m almost certain I was pushing a giant turd back up the whole time.
Ruined it for me to be honest…..
I listen to Return of the Mac every morning and first thing when I get back from work
Shit myself in the pub. Asked a biker friend for a knife. Pitch black standing next to a train station car park. Cut me boxer legs at the front on both sides. Pulled them off. Headlights turn on behind me and car honks. Turn around. Shit stained pants in one hand, Knife in the other. Panic. Threw my pants at the car and ran.
My dad used to be a clown. Like an actual clown in the circus.
My boyfriend and I rarely have penetrative sex anymore because all he wants is to suck my tit while I wank him off.
woke ass fuck
Transgenderism has been gradually becoming more socially accepted over the last few years. Alrite, cool. but the absolute worst thing about Transgenderism becoming more socially accepted is that now it takes me ages to find a porn video where the guy acts suprised when the tranny gets their dick out. Its just never as satisying when the guy is into it straight off the bat, it completely loses the magic for me.
Every time i see someone drinking on TV i get a massive urge to have a drink as well. I’m sure this means I’m an alcoholic.
I was flying out from Sydney to London last Friday around noon. Jump on the plane, fall asleep during takeoff, roughly 30 minutes later wake up mid wet dream. I don’t think anyone noticed but cumming myself 30,000 in the air in my sleep was a pretty low moment.
Not even the fake bot accounts on Tinder swipe right on me
For the last couple years in the shower I’ve been leaning against the wall with one hand and pulling my butt cheek apart with the other hand as I lean forward so the shower stream hits me perfectly in the butt hole. No homo it feels amazing.
I’m rarely satisfied with the porn I watch. Always feel like I could have found a better one if I just put in a little more time and effort
not my name
Dated a girl a few years back. The breakup was bad for both of us. Then I found out she got pregnant by a random guy a couple months later and instantly felt better about the whole thing.
When I was a teen my mate told me that he had a brother that died. It kind of shaped the way I thought about him and I figured it was the reason his parents were messed up. A couple months ago we were watching the game and I finally asked him what was the name of his brother who died. He just looked at me and started laughing for about 2 mins non stop before saying he had made it up. Arsehole.
I haven’t brought a girl home in years. I wonder if my family thinks I’m gay or if they know I’m just a borderline alcoholic loser who can’t talk to girls for shit
Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.
Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.