The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
Here are the best from this week:
I always get a pleasant surprise whenever a foreign looking person comes up to me and they speak perfect English
Whenever I’m stoned I write down all the amazing ideas and thoughts I have in my Notes because I don’t want to forget them. They never make much sense when I go back and read them
Mrs goes Ibiza tmoro and I’m all calm and chilled about it but on the other hand i’m convinced some Tommy Fury lookalike is going to nick her off me fly back to Leeds and bench press me infront of her and my entire family. I’ve watched too much love island.
I tripped balls on LSD with a Muslim guy at my uni. He’s from Pakistan and my girlfriend is Pakistani from Brum (I’m white). He started being weird staring at photos of my girlfriend on my wall. He was getting agitated with himself and kept saying to himself “no, I can’t! I can’t! She’s yours man, she’s yours”. He then said he had to go and pray and went back to his room and didn’t come out. Didn’t see him until the next day and he just said he couldn’t remember anything from the trip and can we just forget it and move on. I said yeah… but I know he remembers.
Stealth piss taker
If I go into the toilets at work and there is someone else in the cubical i always put the toilet seat down and I go through the horrific process of cleaning all the piss off the toilet seat so I can sit down and pretend I’m having a shit as I’m too embarrassed by the fact someone might hear me goto the toilet or failing that I just go back to my desk and wait a good hour so no one thinks I’m weird. I’m 40.
Came home drunk with the GF the other night and played with her arse hole every chance I got during sex. Seemed like she was into it. I’m getting closer guys…
I don’t know how much longer I can keep this pretence at work of being a sociable guy who gets along with everyone
Putting on a shirt, tie and suit in the middle of summer is fucking ridiculous. I hate weddings
Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.
Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.