The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.
Here are the best from this week:
I had the choice between moving in with my girlfriend and moving in with my best mate and I chose my girlfriend. I think I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life
There’s this video in the deepest darkest corner of xhamster that only has 13 views… I am at least 12 of them
If I don’t keep my pubes trimmed my penis virtually disappears
I’m a woman and the first question I ask myself when going to look for some porn is “consensual or nonconsensual?”
Back in the 90’s, I had a poster of the Spice Girls on my wall. I’d hide when I got changed because I thought they were watching me and writing a song about my body. This got so controlling I ended up taking the poster down. I still sneakily think they’ve all seen my naked body.
I just started living with my girlfriend. She is cool and the perfect woman but I am afraid I will ruin it all by being collared pissing in the shower
A female co-worker who I’ve fancied for months made fun of my haircut and it genuinely hurt me. I’ve had this haircut for years so I feel like changing it now would make it too obvious that it’s because of her comment. FML
I sucked my thumb until I was about 13
10 years ago some street urchins followed me down a side road and swiped my trainers right off my feet while calling me a fassyhole and other unkind terms. I walked home in my socks feeling like the biggest twat ever. I still fantasise about hunting those fuckers down and doing some damage, even though it’s probably impossible at this point (filed police report, nothing happened).
Needs new socks
was Overcome by a sudden and urgent need to shit at work. No Toilets on the site I was working at and the public loos required 20p to get in. Lost control while trying to cross a road and ended up filling up my boxers. Had to finish the job in the back of my work van crouched over an empty carrier bag. Pretty low moment.
I’ve got a secret folder where I’ve saved Facebook pictures of my girlfriend’s friends. Words can’t describe the shame I feel in the moment following my wanks but I can’t help doing it again and again
I’m a prominent poster on an escorts and prostitutes forum
I’ve been getting close with this 6’ tall black girl at my uni who is pretty sexy. For some reason she’s into skinny white guys. Anyway I’m sure she’s DTF but I’m scared to go through with it because I have a small cock and this girl is really tall, and black. It’s a disappointment waiting to happen
I’m completely in love with any girl called Amy. They’re always so sweet and innocent but adventurous in bed. I took one up the arse once.
I got a spider web tattoo on my neck when I was 18. I was smoking a lot of punk at the time and believed I was going to be a big time hip hop producer. Let’s just say I’m 24 now with some nasty lazer scarring
A few years ago I had to testify in court over some landlord bollocks. I get to court early and go sit right at the back of the waiting area to wait for my lawyer. In the meantime I take out my phone to pass the time and forget that I haven’t used it since watching porn the night before. As soon as I open my browser the unmistakeable sound of some girl getting banged just blurts out of my phone at full volume. I shut it down within 1.5 seconds but by then it was too late. Literally everyone turned around and looked at me. To all of them it must’ve looked like I was intentionally trying to watch porn in court to pass the time like some deviant
Flired outrageously with my female boss at a work social last week. She’s not even that hot but she has giant tits and authoritarian swag. It’s only a matter of time before we fuck and it’s all I’ve been wanking to the last 5 days
Years ago as a kid playing with my cousins and their dog in the park. My little cousin who’s about 7 is holding the lead and without thinking I pick up the tennis ball and throw it as far as I can. Lab jolts hard and speeds off dragging my cousin off with him and she goes skidding along the ground for a few feet. Scuffed herself up pretty badly and dislocated her shoulder which still gives her problems to this day. Sorry cuz.
Got into sissy hypno porn and have gone insanely far down that rabbit hole.. . left my last gf cause i didn’t find her attractive & keep getting urges to go down on people 24/7… mk ultra… it’s a hell of a drug.
There’s this guy I work with who abbreviates everything, even really short phrases. For example thank you becomes TYVM. It really fucks me off like really how time do you save? You must be so busy. Fuck you.
Back in college days me and my friends used to drive into this rural area, find a random car and just follow it for as long as possible just to freak them out. I don’t even know why but it was fun at the tiime. Anyway one time we followed this guy for around 20 minutes and he was clearly trying to get rid of us. In the end he lead us down this road into a dead end, turned his car around and started revving and coming for us. We were in my mate’s piece of shit Corsa and I thought we were all going to die for sure. His bumper was inches from us at around 80MPH at one point. I honestly thought we were going to crash or get beaten to death with a cricket bat or something. In the end he drove off in another direction and we cracked up about it. For a while though I know everyone was as scared as I was.
I have a wank last thing at night and first thing in the morning, every day, without fail.
Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.
Get involved and submit your confession(s) HERE – see you next week.