Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #133

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

Here are the best from this week:


My biggest regret in life was having a girlfriend when I was at uni. What an idiot, what a fucking idiot.


I had a best friend since I was young called Tai. We went through school together, EMT and fire academy. Did everything together he was my brother. So one night drunk we had a threesome with this girl and said girl told my wife who threatened to leave me and take our daughter if I ever see him again. I miss him terribly Tai if you’re reading this love you mate I wish things were different


Lost £2000 (my savings) betting on the Arsenal/BATE game last week. Pray for my soul.


Once I get the thought of wanking off in my head I just can’t stop until I knock one out. I go daily in the toilets at work, sometimes more than once. I’m disgusted with myself


In Year 8 science I pronounced organism as ‘orgasm’ and the whole class laughed and I was embarrassed. To calm me down my teacher told me everyone would forget in 2 weeks. Well its been 15 years and I still remember. I still remember.

plumber dad

I don’t particularly like Donald Trump or think he should be president but I love that he pisses off all these overly SJW feminazi idiots.


It’s been so long since I’ve had sex that I get a boner when my hair stylist massages my head

[no name]

Was going through some old nude collections and I realised I had pictures of my ex-girlfriend at school when she was 16. Still had a good wank over them.


Whenever I jizz too fast when wearing a condom I just keep composed and keep on pumping until my dick is a soft noodle, just to add a few seconds to an already disappointing performance


I’m a compulsive liar and it legitimately scares me how good I am at it. I fully believe my own bullshit and sometimes don’t even know what’s true anymore.


I told my girlfriend I’m getting her laser hair removal sessions for her bday. She got excited saying she would use them on her lips and cheeks. I suggested she use them on her bum hole as thats why I am buying them. She didn’t take it well.


I told a homeless guy to have a good weekend and I’ve been torturing myself over how stupid that was ever since


My girlfriend dyed her hair purple right before she’s due to meet my parents. How stupid can you be.

fonzo s

I used to have friends

[no name]

My dad has a brain tumour and will be dead soon. It’s been awful seeing him deteriorate into someone none of us recognise. He wakes up in sweats thinking there are spiders all over him and that people are breaking into the house to kill him. I feel really bad for my mum having to see him like this. Not really a confession just a reminder to people to cherish their loved ones while they’re still with us and in good health

[no name]

My girlfriend went to the gym early this morning. I decided to have a wank. Turned on Pornhub a little early. My bluetooth was still on and she heard the moans of a solid video as she drove away. Whoops.

ll cool a

When I’m on the tube or anywhere really where I’m waiting around I mentally rank the women present in order of shaggability


I honestly don’t like hanging out with my boyfriend 


Me and my girlfriend have herpes (she gave it to me) so I guess we’re destined to be together forever now

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) directly below this post – see you next week. (Scroll all the way down).



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